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Hi! My name is Ryder, new here. Does anyone have the experie

Rydxr's picture

Hi! My name is Ryder, new here. Does anyone have the experience of not really fully comprehending that you were emotionally abused until later in life?
Because of some chronic conditions I lived with my mum until I was 29, and it wasn’t until after I got out that I fully realised the control and manipulation she had over me. I’ve spent 2 years coming to terms with it and recently gave up trying to communicate with her or repair things because I recognise that the same patterns keep repeating and each time it gets more deflating and frustrating.
I’m zero contact rn (don’t seem that changing) and trying to fully comprehend the extent of it all, and mourning the loss of potential repairing of our relationship.
I’m happy to have found this website! Not sure how it all works as yet, but it’s nice to have somewhere to go to regarding this.

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Rydxr's picture
Jun 24

@oldcarfan thank you :)
Interesting question! There are certain things I’ve done since getting away and allowing myself to be more me - like coming out as non binary and changing my name. But my dreams and aspirations feel cloudy and amorphous, because I never really allowed myself to explore what I wanted, how I feel, or tap into my potential. I was just trying to stay somewhat sane and survive the futility I felt. I need to work on getting to a point where I can allow myself to aspire to something and have the confidence to follow through.
Have you experienced emotional abuse from parents or loved ones?

Jun 28

There are lots of people like you out there. Abusers and Narcissists are very good at manipulation which helps keep their victims "in-check" and "under-control". You are not alone and I think you are very strong for making it to where you are today. You should be very proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and doing what you need for your own mental health.

Rydxr's picture
Jun 29

@kayskolA thank you, I’m happy I am where I am right now, I just sometimes wish I was further along (healing wise)- but I have to be patient with myself!!


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