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Hello to all members. I don't know where to start really but

Hello to all members. I don't know where to start really but I do feel my partner is undermining my very existence. Every time I talk about feeling uncomfortable with the way he is around other women it backfires on me. He accuses me of being paranoid and jealous and not trusting him unconditionally. Yet, deep down within me I feel he is shady as if I can't and shouldn't trust him. After 3 yrs relationship my sense of anxiety has gone up and my self-esteem has gone down drastically. I experience panic attacks whenever we are out together. His answer: I am going insane...

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[89650]
Sep 13

I believe you and what you sense is going on and I think he's full of it. You're not crazy, insane, insecure, a jealous shrew or whatever other nonsense he's dishing out. Been there myself. I totally get it.

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[89650]
Sep 13

And even if you were insecure (which I don't believe) that's not how someone that loves another person behaves. I had a boyfriend that was overly jealous and insecure and it was because his ex cheated on him. So when he did start asking ridiculous questions or becoming suspicious, I thought about how I'd want someone to treat me and I did everything in my power, within reason, to reassure him. I never called him crazy, told him he was irrational or insecure or unreasonable. I just told him, his insecurities were not founded and why. Gaslighting was unnecessary.

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[89650]
Sep 13

Also trust is never unconditional. I talked to my counselor about that because my husband would tell me I was obligated to trust him although he didn't deserve it because he was always lying when he had a drinking problem. My counselor told both of us, that is unreasonable. That no one should trust a person who has violated their trust. "Trust is earned." Those were his very words. I don't know where some, very few people get the dysfunctional impression we're all supposed to trust undeserving people but some people have this distorted view even though the Bible itself says to trust no man and trust God instead.

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