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Hi everyone, I've been in a highly abusive relationship for

Vinomadefied's picture
[250]

Hi everyone,
I've been in a highly abusive relationship for nearly two years now, and I feel like I'm trapped and there's no way out. This is why I joined to this support group.
The relationship started right after I started university, I was new in the town, did not know many people, thus it was really fast and easy to get committed to this dude. As a naive 18 year-old young woman, I could not see many of the red flags and even if I did see one or two of them I chose to ignore, I looked at them like something we could work out. I was pretty inexperienced in relationships. At the beginning, like a typical abusive relationship, it all started like a fairytale, at some point I even thought that I found the one. But the abuse got serious over time. What was just an innocent, maybe even cute jealousy became serious, so serious that I lost all of my friends, I now cannot even talk to a man for something like asking for a lighter. The abuse envolves physical, emotional and sexual abuse. And I realised that so late that I was a mess. After I realised that I was not able to get out of this relationship by myself I started therapy, which I found really helpful but still could not break up with him.
We actually broke up two days ago, and I felt amazing. I finally, after 2 years, felt like myself, felt alive. But then he called me. And kept talking for hours to convince me get back together. He was acting so sweet like it wasn't him who was cursing off me for 4 hours straight and pushing me with all his might just hours before. He said that I was acting unjustly, that we were together for 2 years and now the things ended so suddenly and there was so many things to talk about, that he did not want to lose me. And for a second, I believed him. I believed that we had things to talk and it was so sudden, though I had been going to a therapy for months to break up with him. I ended up getting back together and I regretted that decision like a second later. But by the time I regretted it, I lost all the courage to leave him.
Now for the first time in my life, I started keeping a journal. Because yesterday my roommate asked me when was the last time that I was truly happy and satisfied with my life, I could not answer it. I did not know, I do not know. And this really scares me. I got so caught up with daily problems that I totally forgot about my happiness. And I did not even realised that I haven't felt happy for so long.
I am doing everything that I can, to find the courage to leave him. And they really are helpful. I can feel and see the difference in me. But nothing is good enough. I am still stuck in this thing and cannot get out. Can you please give me advice?

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[500]
Jan 17

Use the time off from school to break free. So glad you got therapy and it is helping. Ask yourself, why do I need this relationship? You might get a restraining order to keep him away from you if necessary. Find new friends. I am so thankful for your roommate.
This man needs you for his own ego not to give you something. I pray for him to be healed and not to be able to gain entry into the lives of susceptible women. I pray for you to find the fullness of all God has planned for you. You sound like a very special person and there are good things out there waiting for you. God has a plan for a person such as you with so much to give. I pray that you are ready for it and will find it. Jesus loves you and He is the best friend you will ever have.
Please continue with the therapy and please know that you are special and loved. God bless you.

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[8155]
Jan 17

@Vinomadefied Just to clarify, when you say "I am thinking about taking this opportunity to end things" does that mean you are planning to contact him/have a conversation with him?

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[3815]
Jan 23

It sounds like you know what you want, and you've learned tools from your therapist to be able to break up again. Remember what you learned, keep journaling, and I'm thankful that you had another appointment with your therapist. Unless he sees a therapist to work on changing his negative behaviors, he will not change no matter what he says. He CAN change but it takes a lot of good, hard work to do so. It sounds like you are making good choices, stand firm in yourself! You can do this!

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