This week's Topic: Giving yourself permission to be imperfect!!!

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As per my previous posts, my husband is still locked up. I

As per my previous posts, my husband is still locked up. It's been 2 weeks. I've had a whole holiday without him and it's killing me. He's been in good spirits until today. Here called and asked me to see who was assigned to his case. But I also tried to call the PO that violated him just to find out what he was to say about the violation and to see which way he was gonna go wth the case. Well my husband got furious and cursed me out and hung up on me. He told me when he first got in there that he needed me and if he felt like he had to do this on his own because I couldn't help him or won't help the way he needed me to, that he won't call and he will cut me off. I can't help but feel that's exactly what he did tonight. I was only trying to help. Everything I do is wrong if it's not something he would do. I can't win. Im constantly feeling like garbage especially about myself. I only try to do what I think is right. That where my brain and heart is at. But it doesn't matter. It still end up like this every time. I don't have him right now. I have no one. I feel so alone and so worthless. I can't help but question why am I here if this keeps happening to make me feel useless on this earth.

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[22210]
Jan 1

@Kaysee well that’s good... this man doesn’t sound emotionally healthy or stable or positive for you. All relationships have ups and gowns or done issues. But not this kind where u are demeaned or threatened or scared, or, or, or...

I hope you go to top of your post/this thread and read everything in one fell swoop (it will be more like a conversation) as you may get more out if it.

It’s obviously up to you...I hope to hear how this goes for you

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Rdan's picture
[10230]
Jan 1

@Kaysee If you could look back you would likely see child abuse, drug addiction, sexual abuse etc. in the family. Many times family members are affected by attitudes and influences that were never talked about and the behaviors perpetrated on the kids anyway. You might not get the answers. I was severely abused, my wife was too. We had to make a conscious decision to not perpetrate our neuroses on the nxt generation. I had to decide what kind of man I wanted to be. Then I had to look for examples and strive for this. It is a conscious decision. It's something he has to want for himself. Then it takes discipline. Some for real - no nonsense - going against what everyone else around you is doing and you are committed to NOT! It takes balls of steel to lay down some stuff. When you commit to change and do it - you're life changes. It's a lifestyle change and no one can do it for you. Ultimately it's one decision at a time. Counte away in split seconds, minutes days then weeks and eventually years. I haven' taken drugs in 35 to 40 years, same with cigarettes. I was an alcoholic 30 years ago NO MORE. The rest is a little private but I've had sucess with that battle - because I fight as if my life depends on it. He just might not want it bad enough and there is not a thing you can do but encourage him. He has to do it for himself!!!

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[331030]
Jan 1

@Rdan, I absolutely agree. He has to decide for himself he really wants to be a good man.

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