Looking Back In Hindsight, What Was The Very First Sign Or R
Looking Back In Hindsight, What Was The Very First Sign Or Red Flag In Your Relationship With A Narc Abuser, That You Wish You Had Paid More Attention To, But Brushed It Off?....
For me it was the 180 degree change in her mood/behavior the forth weekend after we began dating. The first three weeks I was love bombed. By the forth weekend I was already being devalued (after reading so many stories here about N's and reading articles in general about N's I gotta say that I totally lost the N lottery and wound up with one hell of a lazy N. I mean c'mon, only three weeks of love bombing!!!! LOL But then again if I look at things from a different perspective I could also say that I hit the Narcissist jackpot because her switching from idealization to devaluation so quickly really stood out to me and stood out as a red flag. Also, with only 3 weeks of love bombing it makes it harder to get addicted to someone).
Her 180 degree change in personality was noticed in the following ways:
- she wasn't affectionate. She didn't initiate affection and was quick to find something else to do/get away from me, when I tried to be affectionate with her
- stayed busy doing anything but spending one on one quality time with me, cleaned the house, went shopping, talked on the phone, buried her head in Facebook (even when we were out to dinner alone)
- she stopped having that wonderful bubbly personality with me, but while we were out shopping and she ran into someone she knew (or if she was on the phone) she would jump right back into that charming personality
- while out shopping she made a comment to me: "oh that's something my ex husband would always say". She didn't say that in a good way
- she low talked to me. I constantly had to ask her to repeat what she said because I couldn't hear her. It was not rare for me to say "what" 3 to 4 times before I finally heard her.
- on the way back to her home one night she made a point of bringing up how 2-3 friends of her ex boyfriend live in her neighborhood
- like I said this was the forth weekend we were dating. I pointed out to her that we've been dating for so long and we haven't even taken any pictures together yet. She refused to. She said she hates getting her picture taken.....but one look at her FB page does not back up that statement
- during dinner on the Saturday of that weekend I told her about how I have a strained relationship with my two brothers. She trivialized my problems with them and made me to feel as if it was no big deal
- the night before I only got about 2-3 hours of sleep, between being tired and her treating me like crap all day she was beginning to strike a nerve. I know myself and I know better than to argue with anyone when I'm tired and upset, I'm prone to losing my temper and since I'm tired my brain is simply not good at making a good argument. So I bite my lip. We continued shopping after dinner (this was just before Xmas). While shopping she could tell I wasn't in a good mood. So she continued to try to get under my skin by telling me I'm being a baby or something along those lines and get a reaction out of me. I didn't bite.
- Sunday morning i did bring up everything about how she was treating me. She said I'm being too sensitive.
When I'm really interested in someone I pay attention to EVERYTHING. One reason is because I'm interested in them, the other reason is because I've been hurt before by being lied to. Since then I've always been sensitive to being lied to from anyone. I pay attention to everything. I may not notice what's going on in real time, but when I replay things in my head I'll eventually figure it out.
The person she was the first 3 weeks and the person she was the 4th week was completely the opposite. Yeah some of the things she was doing to me were kinda subtle, but still she was night and day from the first 3 weeks. This was very obvious to me. This was well before I knew anything about N's. It was weird. It gave me a bad feeling about her, about us. I knew something was off. I knew something was potentially wrong.
I have relived so much coming to terms with this. Before we married, he told me he loved me so much, wanted to share his life with me but that he was afraid that if I really knew who he was inside, I'd break off our engagement. Of course I took it as insecurity or fear of losing me if he did something wrong. But I believe in that moment he was probably the most real he's ever been. I wish I had realized then that he was being truthful about who and what he really is.
the first sign that I ignore was when I asked him why he never asked me any questions about me; His answer was that he just liked to live in the moment