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Just feeling so alone and depressed... I hate being treated

Jdzklc's picture
[570]

Just feeling so alone and depressed... I hate being treated like I don’t matter. I’m 8 months pregnant with our second son and things have got so much worse as this pregnancy goes on.... why... why did I think he would change? I should have known.. I left him for a year and came back because he slithered back into my life with his lies. I just want to be treated like a human.. I just want to be loved by my husband.. why doesn’t he care about me! He is so evil and mean. How am I gonna live like this!

I talked to him last month.. told him how unhappy I was And we talked for an hour. Nothing has changed. Why would it. He doesn’t love me or care about me. Actions speak louder than words. Sorry I’m scrambled. I’ve been upset for hours. Just shouldn’t be belittled everyday of my life. When I ask a question his response with a rude tone and full of attitude isn’t necessary. When we argue and he knows im right .. he will talk over me, turn music on and loud so he can’t hear me or just yell over me and blame me. I hate my life!! This is NOT how I wanted to live my life and raise my kids!!!! My heart hurts. It’s been way too long of him treating me like **** and now I’m gonna have his second child. I’m such a fckin diot for coming back to him three years ago. I’m so grateful for my 8 year old son and my new baby boy coming in January and I love them sooo much!!! But why did I choose him as their father.

I recently found out that he has $30k in his bank account. I lost my job when I was three months pregnant and he hates me for it and throws it in my face and blames me for him “being poor” .. then I find out he’s been hiding money from me. I’ve been depending on my mom and sister to help me while I have no income because my husband refuses. Then he brags to me the other day how he’s gonna make $100,000 this year. While I am struggling cleaning my sisters husbands restaurants toilets, washing dishes, mopping one day a week for $50 that I spend on food for the week and gas. While I’m 8 months pregnant and sick. What am I gonna do.

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[127150]
Dec 9

First of all, stop beating yourself up. Like all of us, you made a mistake. You will have to do some things that will seem hard at first, they will take you out of your comfort zone. You mention your Sister's husband's restaurants. How close are you to your Sister? Would she help you if you need a place to stay for a little while? Often the narc isolates us from family and friends, is there anywhere you could go if you needed to?

Reply
[300]
Nov 8

First of all you are precious. You are a special made creation and you have a purpose in this world. You are MOM to these two special blessings. You are going to make it. I hear good strength in you. I hear hope and dreams. I hear a great Mom in your words.
You can’t live today if you are living in the past. Please pray to ask God to help you forgive yourself, put the past behind you and step forward into the next chapter of your life. . We all make mistakes and it sounds as if yours were done with good intentions.
You need to take one step at a time. Call a counselor and ask for help finding resources to help you walk into a new chapter in your life.
I am praying that you will be able to get help from your sister. I am praying for you as you take each step into the new chapter in your life and the life of your precious children. You can do this, Mom, with God’s help. I will continue to pray. Here’s a hug and a continuous flow of bushels of love pouring over you.

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