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I Was Going Through An Article From GoodTherapy.org Entitled

[124800]

I Was Going Through An Article From GoodTherapy.org Entitled, “10 Steps To Recovering From A Toxic Trauma Bond. I Thought One Of The Tips Was An Extremely Important Point To Focus On When You First Decide To Go No Contact:

“LIVE ONE DECISION AT A TIME, AND ONE DAY AT A TIME:”

“Sometimes people scare themselves with all-or-nothing thinking. Don’t tell yourself things like, “I have to never talk to the toxic person again or else”; this is akin to trying to lose weight by telling yourself you can never eat chocolate again. While it is true that your relationship is an unhealthy one, you don’t need to make every encounter a do-or-die situation. Don’t scare yourself.”

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[124800]
Apr 15

@NamelessShe You’re very welcome!... I think we all are to some degree. But it helps to be aware of “all or nothing thinking” when you find yourself doing it. High level narcissists can only think all or nothing to an extreme. It’s one of the reasons they become so enraged when they’re criticized or disagreed with. The other person is seen as all bad because the narc lacks something called Object Constancy. Normally when you argue with your spouse/partner, you still have the emotional attachment that you love the person. You may disagree on this one thing, but you love the person. Narcissists cannot think that way. When they feel attacked, the attacker is evil in their eyes. They have no emotional love connection because they lack object constancy........

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[40265]
Apr 15

I really like #8.

Write a list of bottom-line behaviors for yourself. Possible examples: “(1) I will not sleep with someone who calls me names. (2) I will not argue with someone who has been drinking. (3) I will take care of my own finances. (4) I will not have conversations with anyone when I feel desperate (or defensive, or obsessive, etc.).” Whatever your areas of concern, determine what you need to do to change and make those your bottom-line behaviors.

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NamelessShe's picture
[13035]
Apr 15

@pickone beautifully said.

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