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I thought that my husband had only verbally abused me, but I

NowImNarcFree's picture

I thought that my husband had only verbally abused me, but I am starting to remember more signs of physical abuse. I didn't think they "counted" but here are a few....

- I once fell and badly sprained my ankle while running from him during a verbal argument.

- He liked to physically restrain me while "cuddling." When I was involved in some other activity, he would say he missed me and ask to cuddle on the couch, but "cuddling" meant basically holding me down and preventing movement. I would often tell him I was busy and then feel guilty like I was withholding affection. I would end up with bruises from "cuddling" and some of the other "games" though.

- He had a lot of stupid jokes in bed. Like right as I was falling asleep, he would hold his arm in the air and then let it fall quickly just beside me, making me flinch. He called it a "meteoroid" or something. Then he'd do it again a little closer, and then the next time it would hit me. It was like what a 3rd grader might do to annoy siblings in the car. He had a lot of those "games" and the joke was always on me. I would get upset and he would say I was "so cute when I'm angry!" I actually got so skilled in deflecting things like this that he said I was like a "ninja." It really frustrated me though because I had trouble getting a good night's sleep, and he would start this just as I was becoming relaxed. Then I would get tense and stressed.

- This one is really weird. A few years ago I was openly reading a book about verbal abuse and he knew it. In the book, a woman described how her husband was being covertly abusive by stepping on her toes whenever he kissed her. The next day, my husband did the exact same thing, stepping on my foot while he kissed me! I thought for sure that he had read part of the book and was doing that as some kind of joke, but when I asked him he said he didn't know what I was talking about. Fast forward to two months ago, when the abuse escalated again just before I left him... he started stepping on my toes whenever he kissed me again! Whenever he did it, I'd slide my foot out and step on his instead.

- I remember one time that he did hit me. I think it was on his birthday. He was having a problem with an ingrown toenail and it was "making" him irritable. I'm sure it was legitimately painful but the argument that ensued involved him very lightly hitting me. It didn't physically hurt but it somehow seemed incredibly hateful. It was very late at night and he yelled at me to go get him something from the store that he thought would help his problem. I just remember crying all the way to the store and hoping the cashier wouldn't notice.

- One time when we were dating, I visited him at his apartment, he talked me into undressing and then he took all my clothes and put them on the outside of the apartment door. I had no clothes in the apartment that I could get to and couldn't go outside and it was very distressing! He thought it was sooooo funny.

- I also had lots of anxiety related physical ailments over the years. This was not direct physical abuse, but it shows how emotional abuse can affect you physically!

Did anyone else have these types of things in their relationship? Does this "count" as physical abuse? Does it matter?

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Blueberries1234's picture
Mar 9

@NowImNarcFree I completely agree with you, and yet Im just wondering if I am seeing things in my relationship that weren't there. Maybe I misinterpreted things, maybe there was lots of affection or lack of affection was due to anxiety. It's upsetting. I just wish i could have a therapist and actually tell them stuff. My memory is affected so a lot of times I cant even remember things when nervous. It sucks. My mind just blanks.

Blueberries1234's picture
Mar 9

@Janey37 I have never met any of his friends either. One messaged me, which made him furious, he said because he had cut off contact with that friend. Excuse? I cant help wondering if there was something he was afraid of me finding out but Im afraid to go back and ask his friend. It would be embarrassing for ME. Anyways sorry back to you, it really sucks that other people think he's such a lovely person, but you have to tell yourself that you have truth on your side. And that goes beyond appearances. You can go to sleep each night with a clear conscience. Sometimes that has to be enough. Years and years from now, your narc will reveal himself to others. People can't hide who they are for ever. So focus on making yourself a kind and beautiful person. Dont let someone taint your perception of the world, beauty reflects the eyes of the beholder. Make your life beautiful :)

GirlKitty's picture
Mar 9

Statistics show that men and women who are physically abused really believe they're not until it's pointed out to them or they eventually figure it out, so I'd say that what you went through counts as physical abuse. I'm so sorry for what you've been through, I know it was hard to look back and think about those times. My physical abuse was more blatant and I think it was easier to deal with because of that - not that physical abuse is easy to deal with, but you know what I mean.


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