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I need help... I'm having self doubt if the relationship I j

I need help... I'm having self doubt if the relationship I just previously got out of was narcissistic or if I'm just to needy and jealous. A little insight on everything, my X and I got together 3 1/2 years ago. Everything was magical, we'd be together 24/7, he'd buy me flowers for no reason, we'd go on dates every weekend. I have an 8 year old son and he'd do anything and everything for him. In his past relationship he told me he stayed with a previous x because she always had money and anything he needed she'd get him. Well these last few months he's been staying out during the week and coming home late, he promised me on Monday things would change and he wanted a life with my son and I. I asked him to please be home during the week so we could have dinner together and be a family, he AGREED. the very next night he was out until midnight hanging out with his friends drinking, which he never use to do. He's been very controlling, only wanting sex when HE wanted it, always has to be the center of attention. If someone flirted with me or if I innocently flirted I'd be shamed and be accused of cheating, but if he flirted or was flirted with that was perfectly fine. He has to be the center of attention and always talking about himself. Well on Tuesday I decided I was done being treated this way and done being lied to. He came running home trying to fix it... well Wednesday comes around, i call him after work&&he's in a horrible mood. I tell him I'm on my way home and he continues with his attitude. I asked how his day was and his responce was ******..i asked him why and he said because my relationship is I the toilet. I just said ok I love you ill be home soon. He said I know you do and hung up, well I get home and he's not here. He packed up some clothes and left. I have bent over backwards for this man, he wanted a camero I bought a camero. he needed new shoes he got new shoes, while my shoes have holes in the bottom where you can literally see my socks. He decided to leave right as rent is due, electric is due, we hardly have any food. He hasn't tried calling me or anything. The last time I saw him it was utter hatred towards me and he told me I don't care what you do anymore go get a boyfriend! When I said I didn't want to live in the house we got into together he says don't take my dog. I'm not driving an hour to see my dog and your son. He wants control over me even though he wants nothing to do with me. He's moved on like I was absolutely nothing to him without even blinking an eye. I just want to know if this sounds like narsassistic behavior or if I'm crazy and jealous. Oh I did call him a lot, text him a lot. He'd promise to be home by this time or said he'd call at a certain time and couldn't even keep his word. He had a great job but lost it because he couldn't stay at work, he'd make some excuse to leave early at least twice a week. He won't tell me where he's staying but he knows exactly where I'm staying And people tell him exatly what I'm doing. I feel completely alone, I keep questioning if this is my fault, I've felt very alone for a long time. He makes everyone think I'm crazy. I just need to know if I'm crazy because I wanted to spend alone time with the man I fell in love with or if there's absolutely no way to even fix this. I believe this time he's moved on and won't be coming back.

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kelly72's picture
Dec 8

@feeling_alone9891 You know what he is, you know what you have to do. As for closure, there is Never any closure with a narc. Narcs do not like closure because it would close the door for future using when he's low on supply. You must achieve your own closure after a narc and you do this by going no contact forever. I did and I promise you it is absolutely the best thing I ever did. No regrets! The hardest part is the first step but once you do it you will gain power with each move in the right direction. Your life will greatly improve once your mind is rid of him.

Dec 10

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. But it sounds like it's time to look forward, not back. Doesn't matter what that guy is or isn't, he's bad news for sure, and that's all that matters. You have your son to think about and the impression all this is having on him. Children often learn from the examples and role models that are in front of them, and that man doesn't sound like a good role model for anyone. Better to have no man than one who treats you bad. You have your little 8-year old man to love and care for!

Dec 10

I'm trying so hard to concentrate on my son, he's my world. It just hurts so bad, having this gut feeling he's moved on already. I don't understand how someone could say they love me, love our family then the next day just disappear. I spent all weekend crying and blaming myself everyday. Now I'm back at home after picking up my son feeling more depressed than I was before. My head is killing me, I want to move forward but he's left me with all the bills right at Christmas time and there's no way i can afford my bills and Christmas.
I have a neighbor who was a "mutual" friend. She's witnessed everything I've been through but continues being his friend. She told me he's 'charming' at times but couldn't ever see her self with him. It absolutely kills me thinking he's moved on and it could possibly be with her, but I doubt they'd ever last. I love having my own house but I think it's time I've moved away and move closer to family. I love the man he once was and I can't help but blame myself for the way things happened.

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