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I cracked... I told him why I'm distant and why I hate him.

overett's picture
[1960]

I cracked... I told him why I'm distant and why I hate him. I told him it's his communication and mommy issues that pushed me over the edge and went into full detail. His response? "Yup and your just the innocent one!"

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Innerturmoil's picture
[7305]
May 16

@pickone I can see what you mean, It could be possibly be mistaken as "we deserve this" or trigger resentment rather than be seen as "We have a choice to overcome this". I feel that in this instance, the encompassing paragraph clarifies the intent, and more implies that it is what the narcissistic abuser is thinking and pointing out the fact that the onus of making it stop is on us, that we are the ones who must put it to an end. I offer apologies to anyone who misunderstood, and thought my words were offensive.

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[113410]
May 16

@Innerturmoil I am glad we had the chance to clarify this issue, and there is no need to apologize. I found that aspect of taking responsibility for one’s healing, as misinterpreted as the victim deserving this, and being blamed, as one of the biggest challenges to get across to new members, who were just beginning the healing process. As I had mentioned, especially online it is often so difficult to get the meaning across without misinterpretation; a lot depends on the choice of words, and how they are perceived. Thank you for allowing me to clarify my point......

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Blueberries1234's picture
[28310]
May 17

It's like telling a color blind person that they're colorblind. Their reality is their reality, because their perception is UNABLE to see the colors we see. So we have to learn to accept people as they are. We have to learn to let things go, especially the need to be validated or receive an apology or fix things... because we keep trying to fix things. We want so badly to fix things, we are the moths to the flame. Getting burned and yet we are endlessly trying to understand, to get out of the cold. It's messed up. And the narcissist is the moth to our flame. They too, get burned. Because we keep throwing their mistakes in their face. They get burned too. The relationship, ANY contact, is just a big ball of pain.

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