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People told me before I had low self esteem. I'm realizing n

People told me before I had low self esteem. I'm realizing now it's due to my mother and sister treating me poorly/emotional abuse as I was growing up. Then, after an emotionally abusive relationship I was in, I feel like my self esteem is lower than usual. I'm a smart, educated, good person, but after being yelled at and ignored by people recently I keep going over in my head the abuse and that's all I think about.

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[1475]
Jan 12

@bbccddee1234 I have struggled with this as well for 20+ years. I often ask myself why I'm the type of person who puts up with stuff that most people would walk away from? I am deeply bothered that I allow myself to be treated in toxic ways. Then I think about whether God has created me to be tolerant, forgiving and able to endure through this, teaching me things about myself, about Him and others along the way, essentially...growing more mature. I read in my bible recently that love endures all things...and I do believe that, but I also don't want to be a doormat, so I struggle. I don't think God ever intended us to be the adult elephant who stays...I don't think that's necessarily what tolerance and forgiveness are. The book, "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud (not sure if you've heard of it?) pertains to this very thing...how to love but not be a doormat. I think it could help you with these issues, as well.

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[160070]
Jan 12

@PieceByPeace, that sounds like a good book.

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[6490]
Jan 13

Over the years I've used several things as ways to distract myself from thinking about the past too much...I say too much bc it's healthy to reflect on your past in order to try to create solutions to dealing with it but it's unhealthy to sit in your past in a stall type mode...I use essential oils, a variety of teas, and incense to calm my mind... certain scents truly calm me and quickly...almost instantly...nag Champa is my favorite incense...2 perfumes my grandmother wore also work...you can use essential oils in your bath water, on you, in the air, on your pillow, and in your tea....coloring in the adult coloring books worked for awhile for me...doing pottery and painting also helped me too... meditation music still helps me often (I've got an app on my phone with lots of meditation music choices depending on the situation)...taking walks sometimes helps but sometimes makes things worse if I don't stop thinks ng about the issue that sent me on my walk...going out to eat helps me too bc it gets me out of my trigger environment...long car drives ..going to a movie...watching what I call brainless television shows (shows that don't require paying much attention to follow the show)... cleaning the house helps me zone out especially vacuuming...also, grab your phone then go for a walk and pretend to talk to the person you are upset with on the phone but don't really call them...it's like journaling without the task of writing it down...these are some of the distractions I use...maybe some may work for you as well...the Buddhist say that life is full of suffering...i guess the key to our suffering is to learn to suffer gracefully...to dance through it with ease , steadiness, and sure-footed...expect it so it doesn't blindsided you...

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