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BOTTOM LINE BEHAVIORS: As Well As Watching For Red Flags, Wh

[108050]

BOTTOM LINE BEHAVIORS: As Well As Watching For Red Flags, When Starting A New Relationship, You Should Also Make Some Bottom Line Rules For Yourself To Follow When Moving Ahead:

“Write a list of Bottom Line Behaviors for yourself. Possible examples: “(1) I will not sleep with someone who calls me names. (2) I will not argue with someone who has been drinking. (3) I will take care of my own finances. (4) I will not have conversations with anyone when I feel desperate (or defensive, or obsessive, etc.).” Whatever your areas of concern, determine what you need to do to change and make those your bottom-line behaviors.“

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[108050]
Jul 9

@April1313 I know, as my mother passed away 9 years ago, and I still miss her every day. You just have to adjust to living without them; unfortunately there’s no other choice. I am so glad to hear that you had a wonderful time going away for the weekend!... That’s great, and you deserved it after what you’ve been through. Sure beats the he!! out of taking anxiety meds!......

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Blueberries1234's picture
[23555]
Jul 9

1. Doesn't respect my time. E.g. late often, blows me off.
2. Ignores me when I express my discomfort or tries to convince me to change my mind.
3. Expects things to be easy; thinks "why is MY life so hard!?"
4. Doesn't have gratitude.
5. Takes me for granted.
6. I have to force them to see my perspective.
7. I have to put my emotions aside to be there for THEM.
8. They seem jealous of me.
9. I have to dull my shine to make them feel okay about themselves.
10. They compare me to their friends, ex, mom, etc.
11. I think: they'll be perfect if I can help them become motivated to change xyz.
12. I find myself feeling jealous and insecure always.
13. I find myself crying often.
14. I find myself trying to control their behavior.
15. I find myself of accusing them of lying.
16. I find it hard to trust them and doubt their feelings for me.
17. They "support" me, but I dont feel supported.
18. I feel alone in their company.
19. I find myself being their teacher and counselor... most of the time.
20. I feel abandoned, because I cant trust theyll be back at a dependable time.
21. I feel like if I dont reach out to them, theyll never contact me again.

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[108050]
Jul 11

@Blueberries1234 Regarding your above list: #s 11, 14 perfectly describe codependency. You can’t change, fix, save, or rescue someone; they have to be motivated to change. As we should know by now, narcissists are NOT!... Also # 18 describes my 30 year marriage. If you FEEL a certain way; if you FEEL abused, chances are that you ARE being abused. #21 is another perfect example of not being whole inside yourself. You shouldn’t want an abuser to contact you again......

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