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“Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships:” “Psycholo

[127565]

“Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships:”

“Psychological abuse can look like:

1. Humiliating or embarrassing you.
2. Constant put-downs.
3. Hypercriticism.
4. Refusing to communicate.
5. Ignoring or excluding you.
6. Extramarital affairs.
7. Provocative behavior with opposite sex.
8. Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice.
9. Unreasonable jealousy.
10. Extreme moodiness.
11. Mean jokes or constantly making fun of you.
12. Saying “I love you but…”
13. Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.”
14. Domination and control.
15. Withdrawal of affection.
16. Guilt trips.
17. Making everything your fault.
18. Isolating you from friends and family.
19. Using money to control.
20. Constant calling or texting when you are not with him/her.
21. Threatening to commit suicide if you leave.

“It is important to remember is that it is absolutely not your fault. Abusers are expert manipulators with a knack for getting you to believe that the way you are being treated is your fault. These people know that everyone has insecurities, and they use those insecurities against you.”

1. Which Of The Above Behaviors Have You Experienced In Your Relationship?...
2. How Many Did You Question Whether They Were Emotionally Abusive Or Were In Denial About?.......

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[127565]
Feb 4

@DreamsAndHope I think the reason you haven’t thought along those lines, is because you haven’t healed to the point of valuing yourself yet. The deep-seared, underlying issue or wound is that you still don’t feel worthy or good enough to be loved and accepted. That is the wound, or weak spot as the narc sees it, that attracts him to a victim or source of supply. Until that wound is fully healed, it remains as an open door to narcissistic abusers. I suggest you find a therapist who is familiar with recovery from narcissistic abuse. Once you heal to the point of truly valuing yourself, your way of thinking will change. A narc abuser will no longer be in your reality, and there will be no attraction. The ultimate goal is to love and accept yourself first, and not look for that validation from an outside source (which is the definition of codependency). In the thought process that comes with healing, there is no concern regarding hoovering, or waiting in anticipation for him to return. You know without a doubt that there is no longer an attraction to this type of person. I know this is true because I’ve been on both sides. Since healing to this point, I am attuned enough to feel when someone is being genuine or hiding behind a facade. I don’t mean a social mask, like we all have to some extent, which is our public persona. I mean a fake mask that hides the real person. This is because my open wounds have healed enough to have no attraction to a false image, or vice versa. The healing process is long, although it varies per individual. Therapy with the right therapist (they’re not all knowledgeable about narcissistic abuse) can make a huge difference in healing. Support, self-care (focusing positive energy toward yourself instead of negative), perseverance, patience, and determination are also necessary.
NOTE: Regarding the bell icon, sometimes there are glitches which cause it not to work right at times. If it continues, I suggest you let SG know. Another way you can check replies is by checking “My Posts” (on the drop-down menu at end of the green menu bar at the top of the page). Click the little 3 lines 3 dot icon next to “Resources.” You can then check your most recent posts for replies. Also sign up for email notifications of replies to posts and comments........

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[4080]
Feb 4

@pickone When I first posting I said I have two issues...1.Breaking contact with my boyfriend and just learning he is a narcissist. 2. Having an adult son that is an active addict.
I have been going to Naranon Meeting due to my son's addiction and it is helpful to make me look at myself and other relationships in my life, too. It's hard work...I am attending the 12 step meetings and we are working through the workbook. Here I have been focussing on my relationship with my NC boyfriend and how this all happened and I let it become a 7 year relationship. I am starting to understand how it happened. I have gone to a 8 week workshop on selfcare and the topic of narcissism came up several times. I am in a 6 week workshop on Grief. I think I have to grief this relationship and see it for what it was and not what I wanted it to be. I am on a list to see a therapist and still waiting. I think you are right that I need patience which I am not good at with myself...I want to be fully healed NOW! I do believe in myself and have reached the point of being true to myself. I am able to appreciate some things about myself and see work I need to do as well. Self worth and self esteem seems to come and go and I want it to stay with me. I want to appreciate myself more and see what other's see in me. I am so surprise when someone points out my attributes. It does give me a boost and like you said...I should know these things about myself and embrace them. I would say I am co-dependent on both relationships...my son and my boyfriend. Learning I didn't need to take care of them and put myself aside.

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[127565]
Feb 4

@DreamsAndHope I think you realize that there is no overnight quick fix to healing emotional issues. Once you accept that, you can relax more and focus on each step of the healing process. I’ve been on the healing path for over 20 years now, and I still gain new insights, awarenesses, and learn amazing new things about myself, relationships, and human behavior (which I find a fascinating subject), almost every day. It sounds like you are certainly taking many steps toward healing and understanding yourself. I think it will help when you have a therapist. I was very fortunate to have an amazing therapist for 5 years. She helped me see myself through a new perspective, open my mind from the rigid way of thinking of the past, and see value and worth in things that had real meaning, beyond the superficial values I grew up with. I also could not recognize attributes in myself as a result of constant criticism, judgment, and the projections of my mother and others in my family. In essence I found my true self, the person I really am, my real values, and what is truly important to me. I am no longer an extension of my mother or my narcissistic ex-husband. Where previously I had no sense of self or true identity, now I don’t measure myself in terms of what others think, if that doesn’t line up with who I truly am. I’ve also had two major issues to deal with: 1) Abandonment after a 33 year relationship with a covert narcissist; and 2) An adult son who has been a drug addict since he was in jr. high school. I’ve even overcome some of the guilt regarding my son’s issues. I know now it wasn’t all my fault. I can forgive myself for many things I couldn’t in the past. The past cannot be changed, but it is a unique and complex combination of all our experiences and relationships that makes up the person we are today. Self-acceptance is one of the biggest obstacles to healing. But many people, including myself, have proved that it is possible. Learn to look at the bigger picture, and allow yourself the time you need........

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