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“Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships:” “Psycholo

[121430]

“Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships:”

“Psychological abuse can look like:

1. Humiliating or embarrassing you.
2. Constant put-downs.
3. Hypercriticism.
4. Refusing to communicate.
5. Ignoring or excluding you.
6. Extramarital affairs.
7. Provocative behavior with opposite sex.
8. Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice.
9. Unreasonable jealousy.
10. Extreme moodiness.
11. Mean jokes or constantly making fun of you.
12. Saying “I love you but…”
13. Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.”
14. Domination and control.
15. Withdrawal of affection.
16. Guilt trips.
17. Making everything your fault.
18. Isolating you from friends and family.
19. Using money to control.
20. Constant calling or texting when you are not with him/her.
21. Threatening to commit suicide if you leave.

“It is important to remember is that it is absolutely not your fault. Abusers are expert manipulators with a knack for getting you to believe that the way you are being treated is your fault. These people know that everyone has insecurities, and they use those insecurities against you.”

1. Which Of The Above Behaviors Have You Experienced In Your Relationship?...
2. How Many Did You Question Whether They Were Emotionally Abusive Or Were In Denial About?.......

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[165]
Jan 18

@pickone Our stories are similar as I married a man equal or worse to my diagnosed Psychopathic/Malignant mother. My question is, how then do reach a healthy normal if our comparisons are dysfunctional. It seems a no-win. I have been NC with my entire family for exactly 1 yr this December - my Christmas gift to self : ) I've resigned to be single for the rest of my life for this reason alone.

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[165]
Jan 18

@ntrottie BTW I divorced that man in less than 1 year into our marriage when I saw the proverbial writing on the wall. He represented himself in court pro se, as Narcs commonly do. The marriage/divorce was the greatest (and most expensive) lesson of my life and a tremendous wake up call on the road to recovery. So, in effect he/the marriage served a purpose equal to or above the beautiful child we conceived. The bailiff thought my husband so crazy that he approached the bench. In the end, the judge awarded me full sole and legal custody, as well an order my husband only communicate with me via Family Wizard (the internet) . The day the decision was read in court was the last I've heard from my husband, that was 2013. My son is now 6, he turns 7 in March. He's never seen his father, also a blessing in disguise. I'd rather have no parent than a psychopathic parent. He's the healthiest, kindest, funniest kid ever! His ex-wife and I have become the best of friends - we call each other Sister-wife. Her three kids from their 13-yr marriage remain in clinical therapy and permanently scarred from the abuse they've suffered at that hands of our ex.

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[121430]
Jan 19

@ntrottie Congratulations on your victory in the divorce!... It’s especially the best outcome for your son. I totally agree that I’d rather be alone, and have no parent for my child, than a psychopathic one. I think it’s a blessing that your son remains unscarred and has not suffered the toxic effects of a narcissistic environment. People tend to believe that a two-parent environment is best for the child. They often use that as their excuse as to why they remained in an abusive marriage/relationship. The truth is that a two-parent household is not better when one or both of the parents are narcissistic psychopaths. Good for you for having the courage to recognize this and go ahead with the divorce. Divorce under any circumstances is devastating. But when the person you’re divorcing is a severe narcissist, it adds another whole layer of difficulty, frustration, and extreme stress to the divorce process. I wish I had known some of what I know now, back when my divorce was going on. I did not have a victory regarding the outcome of the divorce. My hands were tied due to the circumstances I was left in. My main focus was on day to day survival rather than on the divorce, which was being carried out in a different state. It paralleled the marriage, in that my ex-narc controlled both on his own. But in looking back on the bigger picture, I gained much more than monetary value in the years since the divorce. I gained a healthy relationship with my true self, which is the basic foundation of all other relationships. In answer to your question of “how do you reach a healthy normal if our comparisons are dysfunctional?” That is an excellent question, and it’s one I was recently asked by another adult daughter of a narcissistic mother. It is all a part of true healing, upleveling oneself, and allowing the true self to emerge out from under the years of dysfunction, toxicity, abuse, shame, pain, and the negative projections of the narc parent onto that child from day one. It sounds like an overwhelming task that is next to impossible, which is often what deters one from taking on the challenge of true healing. I acknowledge that it is a long and arduous undertaking to heal the unhealed wounds caused by growing up with a narcissistic parent. It is a challenge, but not impossible if approached with enough strength, courage, and unwavering determination and support. You need to reclaim the life that is your birthright, and that the narcissistic parent robbed from you. You need to remember that you are NOT a victim, but an incredibly strong and resilient survivor!... Just the fact that you are still here, after everything you’ve endured, proves that you have that strength. But you need a specially trained therapist who deals with trauma issues, C-PTSD, and PTSD. Just any therapist will not be skilled enough to treat trauma issues, and at the same time, make the environment feel safe enough to face the real issues. Throughout the healing process, you learn, step by step, what is healthy/normal in a relationship, how to set healthy boundaries, and what constitutes abusive and unacceptable treatment. The true self, once you reach that point of healing, is about self-love and acceptance, and self-partnering. It eventually comes about as a result of true healing, which varies per individual.......

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