I feel trapped and stressed. Or depressed even. I hope that

brokenwings89's picture
[4380]

I feel trapped and stressed. Or depressed even. I hope that I will see him, and yet I pray that I won't. Our divorce is almost final, only the reconciliation-order remains. I don't want him back. I don't want to ever face the emotional abuse again. But I struggle to let go. To make peace with being single again. This is confusing. I wish I Could emigrate or run and hide. But I realize that I would be trying to hide from myself and my emotions. Any advice on what to do will be most welcome

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 2
[2945]
Feb 17

The confusing and conflicting emotions is not uncommon. At some point you loved this person and there is likely a part of you that still wants that and it’s hard to let go of the ‘dream’ of what you thought things would be. At least it was for me. I hated the person I divorced but still loved the man i married. I had to grieve that the man i married was gone and it took time. You will get through this!

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[850]
Feb 19

I know these emotions all too well, I too wanted to hibernate. The struggle is real and so understandable. Change is hard and especially when we committed to a lifetime together. Peace, safety and your overall well-being is more important though. Oftentimes, for many, they can’t leave. I’m glad that was not the case for me and also for you. It can really tear at your heart and self-esteem. Learning to be single was a process but I discovered so many things about myself that I am certain would not have occurred had I stayed with my ex. YOU are strong and you have a beautiful life ahead of you because life is still filled with beautiful things and beautiful people. I’m introverted and had to force myself to start saying hello to strangers. It helped me to talk and rebuild my confidence. Your emotions will shift into a comfortable peace and you will (in time and over time) blossom once again. You are not alone beloved. I see singleness as a status, but not my identity. As you begin to experience a new season of life, trusted friendships are the glue. Also I read a great book that helped me to see why he was controlling and how I missed it. (How We Love, by Yerkovich.) There is HOPE!

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