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I need help and advice im 30 years old and i have had restr

I need help and advice
im 30 years old and i have had restrictive anorexia with orthorexic traits for about 6/7 months now an lost 20kg, 8kg in the last 2 months. I also have sever depression, like suicidal, cant get out of bed and shower type depression, although im still just about managing work but nothing else. I want to get better, i want to put on weight (not to my pre ed weight admittedly i haven't got to that point mentally yet) i want to eat anything without worrying about it, i want those thoughts not to fill my day, i want happiness back. I have been trying to get help from the nhs for ages now and I'm still waiting for real help, they put me on anti depressents and I have a dietian apiontment in a few weeks but no therapy yet. So im trying to fight it alone which is sooo fing hard and i mostly fail, i have manage to stop tracking this week which is so scary as im sure my macros are now off but i know worrying about macros is orthorexic so im trying not to think about it.

Ive read/watched lots of recovery stuff online, lots of people seem to advocate unrestricted eating but treatments seem to put you on a meal plan? which is right? i feel if i could get my brain to let me unrestricted would be better as anorexia is about control after all and a meal plan is still very controlled, however if i have no structure to keep me acountable will i just eat very little to keep the ED happy, and surely unrestricted could lead to binging (i don't need to replace one ED with another)and how could i get my brain to accept that anyway. Does anyone have any advice? what worked for you? how did it work?

Did anyone here have outpatient NHS treatment? how was it?i have read bad things online which scare me, i really feel i need good support to do this and win.

Another thing im struggling with is the fear, the anxiety of confronting the ED behaviours, of going against them is huge. a lot of the time it just gets to much and i cant do it and i let myself do the thing that makes the ED happy. i know about opposite actions and the only way to 'rewire' my brain is to do it but its so hard. im motivated but clearly not enough. im sure this is common, has anyone got any advice?

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norseduncan's picture
Mar 16

I don't have anorexia, so I don't know how helpful this is, but what seems right to you? if you are trying something and it doesn't feel right, it wont help mentally to keep doing it. now, rewiring the brain and anxiety I know all about. that would actually be a good place to start. get your head right as you go into this. I think that would help more than going in wired the way you are now. and remember that you see the issue and want to fix it. that is important, and to me means you are already on the way


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