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I just threw up my dinner on purpose. I thought I'd stopped

briannabean's picture
[3515]

**trigger**

I just purged my dinner. I thought I'd stopped this but it's back now. Nobody's around to hear me doing it, the opportunity was just too tempting. I hate myself for this, but I think I'd hate myself even more if I'd kept it down.

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briannabean's picture
[3515]
Nov 17

@Believerinbetter I... don't think that I want to get better. I know that I should, but I don't think I WANT to yet. I don't know why.

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Believerinbetter's picture
[21120]
Nov 17

@briannabean I understand completely. Going through that is something that's easy to get used to. i know its hard. Just keep trying your best and i have no doubt that one day you will want recovery. The thing is no one can make you want it, that's why it took me a while before I realized that this wasn't what I wanted anymore. Stay strong.

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briannabean's picture
[3515]
Nov 17

@Believerinbetter I'm doing pretty good so far. I haven't purged my food for over a week. So I think I can stop this if I keep trying. I'm just afraid the urges to relapse will be too strong when they come. I have to admit that it's nice living without it right now, so maybe that'll be my motivation to keep it this way.

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