Yesterday my kids went to their dads house for the first tim

Yesterday my kids went to their dads house for the first time in 4 months. When my daughter went in the house the woman that he had an affair with was there. I have encourage them to be nice to her but this is the first time they have met. I’m feeling very angry, sad and hurt now. It really stung. Is this normal? Why should I care if they are living together?

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Leahzan's picture
(16950)
Jan 21

@eddie1975 It never occurred to me to include this agreement until while he was still living in my home, he made plans to bring a girlfriend camping with my kids. That is when I realized that he wasn't trustworthy to act in a reasonable matter and that I needed to treat him like a child and spell every single requirement out. I actually tried to put in formally in the parenting plan, but the attorney advised that it wasn't really enforceable anyway, and it would cost me money to have her revise and refile. So, instead we have a handshake deal. So far he's lived up to it. The kids know what our agreement is, so I would expect they would say something if he did anything to renege on that agreement.

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sharper1003's picture
(320)
Jan 22

Luckily my kids are grown an we didn’t have to include these things in our divorce. I have been very respectful of my kids feelings. I’ve been dating someone for months and we have decided to wait to get kids involved. His are 2 & 5. I’ve also told my BF that whatever his ex needs from me to feel comfortable with the kids I’ll do. My ex’s visit with my daughter resulted in a huge fight where he blamed me for his cheating and indiscretions. We are no longer on speaking terms.

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eddie1975's picture
(44800)
Jan 25

@Leahzan well it's great that he is honoring that agreement. I've posted all of this before but my ex had the guy she was cheating on me with over to "our" house one week after her divorce. She even took the kids out to dinner with this guy while we were still married. So obviously when I told her not to do stuff like that because it confuses the kids she blew me off and did it anyway. After three years the guy dumped her and you know that hurt the kids because the younger one especially had formed an emotional bond with him. Then within a month she has another boyfriend and is spending the night at his house and he's staying at her house. My 8 year old is the only one forced to go to her mom's still and she told us that so my 13 year old texted her mom and told her to stop acting like she's a ho in front of her sister and have some respect for her by keeping her relationship to herself. Pretty wise for a 13 year old although I don't think it's good to have such a bad relationship with her mother. BUT.... I told my ex stuff like this was going to happen if she followed through with divorce because statistics are rarely wrong, and children of divorce have a whole pile of statistics to deal with.

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