When I left my ex less than 3 years ago I tried to keep a re

When I left my ex less than 3 years ago I tried to keep a relationship with my stepdaughter, who was 13 so is now 15. Then my ex married the girl he had been talking to. This girl made nice with the mother of my stepdaughter (my ex's ex), and she had me cut off from my stepdaughter. I had been in her life for 7 years. 5 of which I was married to her dad. I know she was attached to me. She wanted to see me and this new person butted in and my ex went along with it. Well I found out this girl left my ex and now he is in another relationship. I was hoping he would allow my stepdaughter to see me now but I have made 2 trips there one in October and one on New Years and he made excuses,first excuse in October was she was too busy and he can't keep up with everything, this time he said her mother changed phones and he doesn't have her phone number. I hated her mother and so I feel like that is a dead end. I still send her birthday and Christmas cards or gifts. Now just money in a card. I don't even know if they let her have what I send. I feel incredibly guilty for leaving my stepdaughter. At the time I didn't think I was all that important just being a stepmother but I believe it was very hurtful to her. And then her father making poor choices after that affected her. I don't know how to resolve this guilt.

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beth65's picture
(39755)
Jan 12

When I think about letting go of the past and living a happy life this guilt overshadows.

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Scat's picture
(341645)
Jan 12

You have a heart of gold and very maternal instincts. That's a beautiful thing. As you know, we women tend to guilt ourselves, regardless of whatever we do, because we don't like anyone to be uncomfortable or negatively impacted by our actions. However in this case, I feel your guilt is misplaced. You still wanted to see your step daughter, never abandoned her, and even saw a lawyer to find out your rights as far as visiting her. You went far to see her and tried other times. You also followed up with gifts. I feel like you're not the guilty party here. You were the best step mother you could have been during the time you two were married and a positive role model. So whatever positive impact you made, will stick with that girl, through the years. I also think it's possible that, later, she may come looking to initiate a relationship with you. She will figure this stuff out on her own. Teens and young adults are good at figuring out what went wrong in their childhoods. And she'll know she lost out when you left and it was never your fault. I feel like you deserve to let go of that guilt that overshadows, to let go and be happy as possible. It's a New Year. Maybe just let yourself enjoy this new year. You deserve happiness, beth.

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(3465)
Jan 13

@beth65, I agree with Scat

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