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Well we told our 3 kids yesterday and it was the hardest day

Mick77's picture
[855]

Well we told our 3 kids yesterday and it was the hardest day of my life. My oldest, 9 yr old lost it with a deep shaking crying like I’ve never heard, he was begging and pleading not to do it and not to sell the house, he couldn’t speak because of his crying/breathing. My 7 yr old asked if we could eventually get “undivorced”.

Afterwards she said she wanted to talk to me and we sent the kids away. The entire time I fought back tears but couldn’t help my nose from running. It was business as usual for her she didn’t care but just some matter of factly to the kids. After they left she had the nerve to ask me if I was getting sick, I asked why would you ask that? She said because you kept grabbing tissues and blowing your nose. I said I feel healthy you just completely destroyed us and got what you wanted, and then I left.

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Mick77's picture
[855]
Jun 29

@JSSS I guess I didn’t explain the stbx part right, it was exactly as you describe, she also loves our kids to death but was just matter of fact about it.

I’m working on net worth forms and they are a nightmare. I have to list all income/expenses/assets/liabilities for the past 13 years and need detailed information of everything. The best advice I got from a free consult of a potential. 2nd lawyer was to get your free credit reports, it helps a little. But every situation is unique, I was the primary earner through the entire marriage and I was the one who did the bills all these years so based on our income disparity I have to account for basically everything with little input from her. But what I’m learning as I fill it out is she or her lawyer will now HAVE to disclose her secret checking account and I told her she can copy my financial forms but her situation is different. She spent tons of my money on school stuff and charities and her personal care, I don’t have to list any of that so her copying me will only go so far.

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JSSS's picture
[1210]
Jun 29

@Mick77 that makes sense. If she's had a lot of time to process the impending divorce, it would seem logical that she would be much more matter of fact about it when talking to the kids. I expect the same scenario will play out in my house. I'm just hoping my kids take it well. They know that my stbx and I aren't happy with each other, so the divorce shouldn't come as a complete shock to them.

The financial statements are news to me. I'm learning more, and getting more nervous, all the time. I had hoped the divorce process would be easy and straightforward. We both sign a paper saying we want to divorce, and then go our separate ways. I'm finding that's clearly not how this works. I hope I don't have to fill those forms out that you're doing. I wouldn't even know where to find all those things, as my wife has been the one handling our finances. I know how much money I earn, I (barely) know where my 401K money is, and that's about it. I don't know much of anything else.

How are your kids today, the day after the conversation? Are they "normal" today, are they asking questions? Did they want to talk about it?

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Mick77's picture
[855]
Jun 29

The kids seem ok today, she’s been mom of the year since that talk and I expected this “mom honeymoon phase” to happen, so they are optimistic playing off her optimism. The oldest went to one neighbors house to play, the middle guy to a different neighbors house and she’s been with the youngest all day. I’m sure this is going to come in waves with them the next breakdown will be when we get rid of this house and the one after that will be when I’m not around regularly anymore I’m sure. It’s in God’s hands now they know I love them tremendously and I just have to keep demonstrating that whether it’s here or somewhere else all alone or with somebody else.

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