We are not broken. We are not inferior. Yes, we have been

We are not broken. We are not inferior. Yes, we have been divorced. Many of us did not want to get divorced; we placed more value on our vows than our spouses did. Many of us are loyal and have been betrayed; we did not create the betrayer and we are the victims. Many of us were left to figure out how to live our lives alone while our spouses jumped into relationships with others; we are those who demonstrate strength and resilience during tumultuous times. Most of us were rejected in one way or another, either by having a spouse walk away from us or by having a spouse betray us. That rejection does not define us and does not define our value.
It is only natural that some people are going to reject us. It hurts like nothing else when we've put all our eggs in the hands of the person rejecting us and they start throwing them at us, but the rejection is not an indication of who we are. It's an indication of what our relationship with one other person is. There is still a world full of people who haven't rejected us. Leaders of countries have tens, if not hundreds of millions of people who reject them. All we are looking for is one person to accept us. And there's more than one out there who will. They just didn't turn out to be the person we married, a problem that happens to almost half of the people who get married. That's a large group of people.
I never wanted to be in your group. I never wanted to be associated with you. It's not because of who you are. It's because of what you have gone through. I am not at all ashamed to be part of your group today. There are subsets of people in our group- like those who are here on this support forum- who I am downright proud to associate myself with. You are all awesome in so many ways and I want to thank you all for being here. Reading your posts and replies have helped me tremendously. Our posts and our relationships may slowly fade into the forum as we heal but you are all parts of my life and I will remember bits and pieces of your stories for decades to come. None of you are perfect but you're all a cut above the rest. Thank you all for being here when she decided to leave me.

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[3090]
Mar 20

@ifonlyinew I totally agree about the trigger / switch analogy. I call it the "point of no return" and the attitude that a lot of people seem to switch to afterwards I've termed "emotions being on fire." I have a hard time believing that my STBX IS the person who she is toward me. She's being defensive of her emotions and trying to protect her interests.

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[3090]
Mar 20

@ifonlyinew I've deleted a few posts shortly after responding, when the post hit too close to home and I was in a very angry mood. I know what you mean about things being read the wrong way. It's bad enough that I could give someone what seems like good advice that ends up being a major mistake but if I give bad advice and just fuel the negative emotions... I guess that's why it is so important for multiple people to chime in and offer their perspectives.
No children, but she wants to fight over money. I saw a video the other day which identified infidelity, communication and money problems as the top three issues that lead to divorce. We had the trifecta.

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ifonlyinew's picture
[9095]
Mar 20

@davetinesone We humans deal with the pain of loss by either being sad/depressed, anxious, withdrawn, guilty or another way is anger, anger feels better in the short term than sadness, but as we all know this emotion is bad news for everyone because it is a mask, a facade to hide the raw emotions of divorce, & really emotions, good or bad are the way we heal from that pain, it is essential to "feel" like we do, otherwise it is like we never cared in the first place. When we fight over money, kids, the way "you" folded the sheets before putting them away in the linen closet.....it usually goes way deeper than that, like when you have a sh...tty day at work & on the way home someone cuts in front of you, you feel angry at the anonymous driver, but is it him you are angry at, or the boss at work who belittled you, or is it something else??? We are all driven by our subconscious but we rarely see this in our day to day lives.

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