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Together 10 years, married 3.5. Wife just told me she wants

[35]

Together 10 years, married 3.5. Wife just told me she wants a divorce. Completely shelled... less than a week ago she told be how much she loves me, appreciated all we’ve been through and how it made us strong enough to make it through anything. We’ve made so much progress over the past year, I am just blindsided. She wants 0 contact with me unless it’s talking about divorce. Refusing counseling, “won’t work” even tho over the years she’s said how great it is and that everyone needs it. Just don’t know where to go from here

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JamieGoodrum's picture
[910]
Nov 6

Keep your head up mate. It's tough as hell for the first few months but you will eventually start to get better. Don't do what most us did, including me, and contact her like crazy or beg. It doesn't work. If she changes her mind then maybe work on things if YOU want to. If she doesn't, then just try your best to get to where you need to get to. Stay strong mate!

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[1610]
Nov 7

@Iristoiris Sound advice : )
@SG1331 Blindsided is something the majority of us on this site can relate to... take time to be kind to yourself over the next few weeks - you will go through a range of emotions, have a range of physical reactions ( can't eat, can't sleep, waking up to a feeling of dread, feel like you have a huge boulder in your chest ) - rest assured that as you go through this process, you are not going mad... it's normal, it's part of the process, it hurts like hell and the pain will be awful, you'll have a huge 'her' shaped hole in your life, and you'll question what is 'normal' for you... and you will think you'll never be or feel 'normal' again. As Iristoiris says - I've found that trying to 'force' the communication only has negative consequences - he get's angry / I get mad, sad or emotional (or sometimes all 3 together) - so I'm currently not forcing the communication - tbh i feel better when we're not in contact. It takes two to make a relationship work... and unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, if she's not invested in making it work - you can't make it work alone. Use this site - we're all going through the same stuff and I've found it almost 'normalises' the process... and it's good to hear from people who are going through the same / similar and are very supportive... Take care.

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1Day@Atime_1's picture
[1385]
Nov 8

I am sorry for this horrible news, SG1331. It feels like being hit by a truck, at least that was how I felt. I was dazed for days. But I got good advice. Like the others said, don't pursue. Let it sink in first that this is your new reality, not your choice but it was forced upon you. If she wants to talk or reconcile later, then it is up to you to consider being open to it, but that day may never come. So acceptance is your first priority. Once you have accepted it, these are your new parameters, yourself, your kids, your property. If you go into wishful thinking mode every precious day will just waste away and you might end up losing more than what you have lost now. Ask around what to do, what are your options and action is what is most important right now. Life drops all sorts of calamities on us but if we sit around more problems will arise. I hope this encourages you in some way.

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