Today I was crying. Don't even know why. I guess the fact ev

Scat's picture
(341885)

Today I was crying. Don't even know why. I guess the fact everything in our country has been so divisive for months, moving is stressful. Knowing my life is taking a drastic change is rather overwhelming. I keep feeling, I wish things had been different. Not with my husband. That ship has sailed because he cheated on me. But if I hadn't been sickly, had been younger, and healthy when this happened, maybe I'd do things differently than going to live near my oldest daughter. I think about some of my losses and I compare how I feel about this with my feelings about other breakups in my past. Wow, look, it's been decades since my first divorce. I don't miss my ex at all. I think back to all we did together in high school and my young adult life. Do I feel like I'd do things differently. I dunno. I mean I never wanted him back. Did I miss other people I broke up with in relationships, once they were gone??? My goodness, yes I did miss a couple of boyfriends I broke up with in the past. I nearly felt like I'd die when they were gone, after the breakup, like I wanted to die. Others not so much at all. But when I think about my husband, I'm not so much afraid I'd miss him, as I feel like I need him. I mean, I'm older, and not strong and healthy and energetic like when I was young. Back then there were plenty of handsome neighbors willing to help me move a chest of drawers or offer to help carry things. Now I'll just be alone, on my own, and very poor. So I wonder how I'll fare. Will I end up homeless? Will I have trouble doing everything on my own without anyone strong around? I'm not so much afraid of being alone, as in, alone, with no one to just be with. It's just that I feel ill equipped with all that has happened, to my memory and stamina, to just be on my own. Can barely keep up with tending to my house and my yard as things stand.

Thankfully my youngest adult daughter does a large portion of my housework. I'm hoping my older daughter will stay with us, though she's afraid to, because of one of the new neighbors was a person she had a falling out with. So she may not be around much. So that made me wonder if I should line up a different rental. But it's so hard to find a rental in my position as it is, especially with my dogs in tow.

Just some random thoughts as I sort through my emotions. And with those I think about my mother. She raised us four children mostly alone because her exes were no help. My father went to prison. And my adoptive step father didn't participate in our childhood after the divorce. She hired people to do her yard work and tighten the pieces of her furniture that came loose. But she had money. My grandfather bought her a house and she was always cared for because she was mentally imbalanced.

It's not that I wasn't a single parent before. I worked throughout my marriage, until I homeschooled my children and even partially during that time. But since I was sick my skills became very outdated. And I never made a lot of money when I was working. Anyhow these are my fears and concerns. Maybe some of you folks can relate or can you????

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Scat's picture
(341885)
Jan 21

@Littleturtle1000 Thank you for saying. It's true. And there are others in worse shape than me, because of covid, that's for sure.

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(315)
Jan 22

Thank you for sharing. Have a lot of anxiety about the future myself. Will I end up homeless. What about my kids? Will I be able to settle my debts? It seems a lot of us are dealing with this.

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Scat's picture
(341885)
Jan 22

@Will2 That's really rough. I hear ya. Children have lots of needs and they're always foremost in our minds. I'm sure you, like any good parent, will always put your kids first and above your own needs. My prayers for you today. I had to raise my two daughters after my divorce. Things were always tight financially, before I remarried and even after. I truly hope you're able to pay your debts right away. I put in my divorce papers, with my ex, that he paid the debts. Settling our current debts after we sell our house. Then I'll hope to get a better car so my daughter can use mine and learn to drive.

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