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Some of you may want to kill me because I've been talking to

eddie1975's picture
[27205]

Some of you may want to kill me because I've been talking to her quite a bit recently because I've been working very hard to get back to a somewhat normal life.

I prayed for God to break me. I took CPS (Child Protective Services) showing up at my door as the answer to that prayer because they told me to start communicating with my kid's mother or there's a good chance the kids will be taken form both of us. So last Monday I met with her in person to bury the hatchet. (sometimes I wish that wasn't figurative)

I thought the meeting went well. My mom came along because I was very nervous. I was there for business and we did digress a little here and there, throwing emotional punches at each other, but overall we accomplished quite a bit concerning the kids. She said she would type up what we agreed on and send it to me to look over so we can let our attorney's know what's up. Well, ten days later I still don't have anything and we have court in 12 days.

So I have been texting her for the last ten days concerning the kids. Nothing but business. I met with some guys at church and got advice on how to proceed because I would actually like to avoid paying thousands of dollars for the kids attorney and thousands of more on my attorney. They suggested I call her and talk to her and try to settle it before the kids go see their attorney tomorrow. They even said the church is going to pay for the attorney. Something I did not ask for.

Well, the conversation did't go well. There was no fighting. It was just stagnant. The same old BS. She told me about all the things I ever did wrong and she literally said she has done nothing wrong. Although I thought the sit down went well the Monday before, she said she just felt talked at, not to. I apologized and told her I was there to talk business and I had no intention of talking "at" her. I just wanted to quickly get to a point where we are not paying attorneys to settle our differences.

I told her in order to get these attorney's out of our lives I was willing to 1) split custody of all kids (Currently I have the three older kids) and 2) give me 75% of the adoption subsidy and we would figure the rest out as we go. I told her my only problem right now is the financial burden of taking care of the kids with no support. (She said all I have to do is call her and she will buy us groceries but I told her it shouldn't be like that because the kid's adoption subsidies should go to the kids based on where they live) She said she would think about it. (Although we had already discussed this ten days before) I told her we are out of time to think about anything because once the kids talk to their attorney it's going to open up a can of worms and it's going to be bad. I avoided telling her why I think it will be bad but the kids are going to tell the truth and the truth is going to hurt her. She can't see this though. She told me she has a big list of all the things I've done that she is going to give this attorney but I guess she doesn't realize that the attorney is only concerned about what the kids say not us pointing fingers at each other.

She told me I started this and all I have to do is call my attorney and stop it. I said "Amber, you filed for divorce and tried to take my kids from me. You started this. I'm just trying to survive and take care of the kids who live with me." I told her if I stop this without her agreeing to support the children financially it will leave us stuck in the mess we are in eating ramen noodles for dinner and that's not fair for the kids. She said "Well we will just have to let the court settle everything." She is unwilling to compromise.

Guys, gals, I tried. I took up my cross and I let go of everything. Tried to be very fair to her. Tried to save us thousands of dollars and move ahead, working together, but I don't know wtf she is thinking. She wanted me to communicate and work with her, which I have, but she has no intention of compromising on anything and I can almost guarantee she is going to get her attorney to spin this in some way that makes me look like the bad guy.

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GirlKitty's picture
[70215]
Jul 12

@eddie1975 I recently told someone else something very similar, that his wife probably regrets losing him. He pointed out that narcs do function like that. They don't look back. Once they are finished with someone, they move one without a backwards glance. This is true. I'd just forgotten. Don't be surprised if she doesn't have the jealousy you think she might have. Remember, narcs don't have the same emotions we have.

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eddie1975's picture
[27215]
Jul 12

@GirlKitty I'm still not sure about her having NPD. I know it's something psychological. I just don't know what. Since I have been being nice so has she... sort of. She just calmly says she is happier and healthier without me and I did so many terrible things to her. It bothered me for a long time because I thought it was hurting my reputation but I realized that the people who matter know the truth and God Himself knows the truth. Her words mean nothing. I still think someday she can change. Too bad she lost me.

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GirlKitty's picture
[70215]
Jul 12

@eddie1975 I hope you're right, I hope she's not a narc. But everything I've read, even this last convo, screams NARC! I think she's nice like a pit viper! Please be careful thinking that she's being nice.
And, she did lose you so that's definitely her loss. You will find someone who will treat you so much better!

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