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So it has been over a year since my ex cheated. I kicked him

So it has been over a year since my ex cheated. I kicked him out, divorced him, got a new job to keep my house, and have one daughter he sees every other weekend. He married the girl he cheated with. I landed back on my feet and for the most part doing well. Well i finally got the come back call and text. He said he made the biggest mistake of his life and wants me back. Crying and all that. I am now fd up in my head again bc I cannot even believe I am thinking of it. It should be just no way. But the what ifs for my daughter who wll be 6 to have her dad here again. I feel stupid for even contemplating it. We had a very good marriage for 8 years and then it got weird the last month and I found out he was cheating. My family says I would be so stupid bc once a cheater always a cheater and he destroyed my life. My brothers say they would not talk to me or ever allow him around them. What are your thoughts or advice on this dilemma? Help?

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Sdiamond1026's picture
[32475]
Jun 24

This a tough one. I mean I stayed with a cheater who repeatedly cheated on me. So I guess I'm not a quitter when I probably should have been. First off, this is your decision and you can't listen to or do what your family says or wants. This is up to you only, So you gotta get that out of your head first. If they are gonna threaten you, oh well. It's what you feel is best for you and your daughter. They aren't in the situation and don't have the feelings you do, so it's easy for them to just say that. So, my advice, ignore them, don't let them scare you into doing something you might not want to do. I think if you decide to give this guy another chance, like others have said you go super slow. Let him fight for you. Go to counseling first, don't move back in with him quickly, and see how it goes. If you have any indication that he is just using you or isn't in this and fighting for you, you can walk away. So just don't get yourself in a position where it's difficult to walk away ( living together, etc). If things go well and some time passes and he seems legit and appreciative of having you and loving and you feel good about it maybe you can let things advance a little. I think you shouldn't re-marry him for a long time, if ever though.

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GirlKitty's picture
[83280]
Jun 24

@333penelope I agree, once a cheater, always a cheater. He's hit a rough spot in his new marriage and rather than working through it, he's looking back and wanting to come back to you. I say, 'Ignore him'. Don't let him screw with your new found success and freedom. He destroyed your marriage, your daughter will understand that.
I truly wish you the best!

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[1425]
Jun 29

Thank you everyone who gave me some great advice and things to consider. I would never let him come back and move in anytime soon. I simply left it that he needs to figure out his relationship with her. If he gets a divorce, you need to go live on your own and get counseling for yourself and work through your own stuff. Then i would consider going to counseling together to address the lost of a child, we had a full term stillbirth. Then we could talk about us but there are no guarantees at all. I would never marry him again. No thanks. I hate sending my daughter away for weekends and splitting holidays and some other woman else partly raising her. I would rather he dump the affair partner and end up with someone else actually so I did not have such feelings about it. So that is where I am at today. Still conflicted but I am going to check out all the suggestions on here. Thank you again!!!

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