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Six and a half years ago, I got my first job and there I met

Six and a half years ago, I got my first job and there I met a man. I was 26, he was 28. We began chatting pretty quickly, but I knew he had a girlfriend and that was that. He was a good companion and a good talking buddy, so we were talking on a daily basis. It was a small office, so there was no way to avoid him.
Pretty quickly he began flirting, but since he had a girlfriend, I just let it be. A couple of months later we went on a business trip and suddenly he was in my room wanting to have sex. I escorted him out and then reinstated that I will under no circumstances have sex. He was confused because he was attracted to me, I was always nice... but we let it be.
However, he started to get attached. A few more months later he kissed me out of the blue in front of another colleague after a company party. By that time his girlfriend was pregnant and soon they were engaged. On the same time, he was getting more and more intense, touching me, kissing me in the office, even though I told him to cut it out. I even complained to my boss, to no avail...
His daughter was born, he seemed to calm down a bit... But quickly he was back to his usual MO. He was really intense, he just couldn't let me be. It took two years till I caved in and we had sex. He was persistent and I've told myself that I'm nobody's conscience. I was not the one with a kid and a fiancee. It got even worse. He just couldn't let me be. In a couple months he was in love. He cried and cried that he loves me, not the mother of his child. That he is with her only because of the kid. But he still got married. And started crying even more about how unhappy he is. It only took three months of marriage till he told his wife the truth. Three months later he moved in with me.
From the beginning, his little daughter was living with us 50 per cent of the time. His wife organised all of our free time, she used her to get back at him in her own special ways and it slowly started to take its tole on us. It took them another year and a half to get divorced. Another 10 months till they settled their assets. That was last May. He was paying for her everything up till that point and it was not easy for us, we were fighting over money constantly. The funny thing is, that we did not have to. I make a good living, we moved into my place around their divorce and I made us a home there all by myself. I love his daughter like my own and treated her as such, I helped raise her, potty trained her, taught her to eat, speak, walk, read her stories at hight, held her when she was sick...
Last summer, he raised the question of another child. I told him I wasn't ready, that I want to get married first and most importantly, we needed a bigger apartment. Mine just has one bedroom, so it was really tight.
He did not take it well, but finally started looking for a bigger place. He wanted to buy it himself, as I already had a place and he wanted to have some sort of security for himself. That alone was weird. He showed me the places he was interested in, but never took me there. He picked it out himself. I helped with the legal stuff, everything.
Suddenly he started telling me, that I was treating his daughter like a stranger. It broke my heart. I gave everything to that little girl, and not just me, my family too. We accepted her as our own, they both were our family. I, on the other hand, haven't met his family in three years.
But suddenly none of what I did for him and his daughter was true anymore. He started being weird, but when I approached the subject, he dismissed it. That I was paranoid and impossible to talk to. Every time I asked about his apartment, he deflected but on the other hand made me feel as if we were moving there together.
Long story short, 5 days before he was supposed to pick up the keys to his place, I demanded an explanation and this time I would not let it be.
He said he needs space, that he will move out with his daughter and that we will see how it goes from there. I was heartbroken. I asked what the hell happened, if he doesn't love me anymore. He was silent. I asked if he had someone else, he said no.
The next day I found out he was having an affair with another colleague. I left the company last spring and, apparently, the minute I left, he started looking for a new lady friend. I lost it and told him to leave that day. He did. I went to work in the morning thinking I have a partner and a step daughter and came back to an empty apartment. All of their stuff gone. I didn't even have a chance to tell the little girl goodbye.
When I asked him what he told her, he said that I wasn't moving with them but that we can go get cake sometime.
It only took a few weeks and he moved his new 24-year old girlfriend in with them. He cut off all communication, feels entitled and thinks its my fault that people at work look down on him, as he sees no wrong in what he did. He blames everything on me and claims that him lying, sneaking around and deceiving me for 6 months was his only option, because I was the worst partner in the world. Basically, what he did to his first wife he did to me.
And my little girl has a new mommy... He didn't even prepare her for the move. He just took her from one apartment to another.
And I am home, alone, and see them everywhere. All the memories... It's been two months and I still have no idea what happened, why it happened... No one knows. He cut of all contact with everyone, doesn't talk to his family at all...
I can barely see straight... What the hell happened?
I feel so stupid and used and small... He took everything for granted... Never expressed any gratitude. Why aren't I enough? Why wasn't my love enough?

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@Lizzie1Love Thank you. I already have a therapist, but it is a really painful process right now. Honestly, I have a lot of broken relationships in my life, so his behaviour wasn't all that unfamiliar. And I sincerely believed all he ever told me... That he did not love her, that he married her out of obligation... Turns out, it was all a lie. The worst part is, that I have no idea if I will ever be able to trust my feelings again because I honestly believed he loved me. He fooled everyone...

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@Scat You area right, my only issue is, the two of them still get to see the child. I don't. It's like I never existed. She is still little, she will forget about me and all the love me and my family gave her. I miss her so much... I never knew one could hurt this much. And I fear for her, her well being, her happiness in the years to come.
And I also know he will do the same to her, although she will be the one with a child. Because he wants another one, and I did not want to be pregnant just yet... No doubt about that. He never got to heal after his first failed relationship and decided to hurt people instead of getting hurt. That is the only reasonable explanation I can come up with. Other than that, I think he is a sociopath.

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Lizzie1Love's picture
[5340]
Apr 15

@FeelingLostOverHere Unfortunately thats the old line that men like too feed vulnerable women and some are really good at what they do! At some point you need to heal from all of it, get stronger and live your best life! Please stick with the therapy and get a life coach from YouTube. Stay the course, do your work and I promise you, your life will be transformed!! I did go to church as I felt the spiritual side of my life was even more important than the physical. My prayers are with you hun. It feels bad right now that's true. Staying with someone who cheats is even worse!
Big hugs!!

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