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Sitting in the home we bought together; my dream home. This

Sitting in the home we bought together; my dream home. This is the house that I left behind when I found out that my husband was still with the nanny he’d been sleeping with for 6 years. I took the 4 kids and moved closer to family.

To date, he hasn’t filed. He says he’s broken it off. But he hasn’t gone to counseling or really done anything to help me put the marriage back together. How do you know when it’s time especially when you have young kids?

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beth65's picture
[28110]
May 23

@SadInChicago89 maybe he wants his cake and eat it too. Saying just enough to string you along. And he may still be communicating with her. Did anyone recommend Chumplady book to you? Her language is harsh but she is quite likeable. Last night I dreamed he was hugging me and almost like he still loves me. But after seeing the woman he has been with highly unlikely I'm getting past that one. Just imagining him with her is so gross. And then me after. Ew. For you it has to be especially difficult since he has been with the person you trusted with your children. How low. I lost my hopes and dreams also. I'm too told to go back as far as I want but still ever hopeful. Probably will keep hoping and starting over until I die. I'm wondering if your husband should get counseling on his own first. I would have required mine to do that before reconciling. Mine was hugging and kissing me in June and moving the other one in with him by September. I'm wondering if you can make those dreams with another more worthy person.

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beth65's picture
[28110]
May 23

I also understand the dilemma with children. But what are you teaching them if you stay and he still continues this behavior? Some would say you're teaching them to keep your commitment. Others would say you're teaching them how they can be treated or treat their partner in a relationship. You can see success stories on both sides, where the person stayed and eventually it worked out, or the person left. For me the thing that meant the most to me was that he desired only me. That may sound conceited and unrealistic, but when I found out otherwise it completely broke me. It made our whole relationship a fraud. I would have had a lot to overcome. So maybe he was right and counseling would not have helped. But just him saying that was very telling.

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Scat's picture
[327615]
May 23

@SadInChicago89 Actions speak louder than words. You told him make the appmt and you'd be there. Yet nothing followed. That's what it was with my ex. I had to leave him, separated. Then we went to counseling but whenever the counselor told him what to do and when, he never followed up so I knew it was just a sideshow for him.

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