My divorce has been coign for a little while now. My ex told
My divorce has been coign for a little while now. My ex told me she wanted it in Nov and today is the last day, the Judge is supposed to rule on it today and barring any unforeseen circumstance, it will be official in a little bit. Despite knowing that this is coming, and dating around some over the course of it ( as I'm sure she has as well) I feel more alone to day then I have in a really long time. Part of me always hoped that my ex would come to her senses and realize she was throwing away a great thing. Obviously that never happened. I haven't felt this depressed about my situation in a long time, and with it finally coming to an end, its still just so unbelievable. Its never something that I wanted, Its never something I saw coming up until she said she wanted out. Ive been trying to get over it for a while now, but today just feels like a major emotional set back.
This process is so painful, but there are definitely those moments where it really hits you. I was also left very unexpectedly and never given any hope of reconciling (no counseling, she just moved on). Our wedding anniversary is next week which is going to be really hard. I also feel very alone, sometimes even when surrounded by others. I think divorce is very isolating, there is no way for someone to completely relate to what you're going through (this site is about as close as it gets) because it was your life. I keep trying to remember that I have so much life to live. I realize now that I won't be able to move on for a while at-least not to something serious. The thought of finding myself is daunting and maybe you feel the same. The past 10 years my definition of myself included husband and now it doesn't anymore. Everyone says it's an opportunity and sometimes I feel that, but some days are very dark. I think it's just important to call it what it is, a dark day, a dark period in your life, but the darkness of this phase of life will not define me.
I think it's that sudden slap in the face when there is no warning that a divorce is coming that makes it so hard. It's like your spouse dying all of a sudden and having no time to adjust. I was married for 22 years when it happened to me. I did a lot of research, after the fact online, ( because this is a very small town and we just don't have resources like larger cities for support groups) and the experts said that for every 5 years of marriage, it will take you 1 year to go through the emotional process of divorce. Also, it said that divorce is like death and everyone has to grieve that relationship. So although divorce is tough, we will get through it and eventually move on. I, for one, have found this site to be the next best thing to God as it helps to have a place, day or night, to know that none of us are alone and that unfortunately there is always a story that compares to our own.
You are not alone . Do you have children ? I have Two teenage daughters and it has been very confusing way of growing up for them. The Father is very much vengeful man so I need to deal with fear as well but I believe every storm will pass. Stay strong