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Ive been struggling with the loss of my wife since we broke

JamieGoodrum's picture
[1750]

Ive been struggling with the loss of my wife since we broke up in April. April 18th to be precise. Things were rocky for a while last year when I found out she lied to me. She said she was staying at a friend's house only to be found out sleeping at another man's house. Granted a work friend of hers and at the time mine also. Fast forward to November I couldn't take her being friends with him anymore. I forgave her for lying to me but come November last year, I felt she was lying to me again. We spoke, and I said I couldn't do it anymore as it was putting strain on our marriage her being friends with him. She agreed and get this, also said his wife wasn't happy with the amount of time they spent together! The whole time I was unhappy with their relationship, she told me that his wife knew everything. Silly me!

So yeah, after November's talk, and with me almost leaving, I stayed and we worked things out. She got a new job and I was emotionally and financially supporting her through the change and the fact she was earning less to begin with. Things looked back on track. Talking more, engaging sexually more (we had been trying for kids the whole time, miscarriages took it's toll). Things were looking good. Around March I was getting the same feeling I got last time. That something wasn't right. So I asked her and she convinced me it was all in my head and that nothing was going on. I believed her and we carried on. We went to an IVF consultation and were in the process of picking somewhere.

2 weeks later I get a message off a woman I didn't know saying that my wife was talking sexually to her partner and wanted me to know. A new guy she had met at her new job... I show the message to my then wife and she storms out the house... comes back 2 hours later and says she cant do this anymore and wants out the marriage... April just show happened to be when she got the position she worked for and didn't need my financial help anymore.. We agree to have a few days apart and to talk about things once we've both calmed down. 3 days later I return to the house (I stayed at a friend's) and she said she's been speaking to him since the start of March and doesn't want to be married to me anymore. That she's had doubts for 9 months (so the time I financially supported her and the time we were trying for kids and then the IVF consultation). I get angry but agree to it. I take my things immediately and live at my friends house for 4 months.

In that time I borrowed her money and spoke to her via text messages. Foolish looking back on it but I forgave her and wanted to work on things if possible. She said she didn't know what she wanted (this was a lie of course).

Fast forward to today anyway because I've dragged on a long time. She eneded up sleeping the guy she was talking to twice and then he proceeded to say nasty things about her around work (**** in bed etc). The guy then proceeded to get back with his ex. My wife/ex (Not divorced yet) then found another guy and has since moved in with him (moved in with him in August, 3 months after we split) and continues be with him to this day.

Even though she's done all this, I still love her... how sad is that! The last time we spoke was about divorce and the reasons I wanted to use. She didn't agree to them as she said it wasn't fair (the reasons I listed above. Unreasonable behaviour, financial abuse etc) and now we find ourselves here. Not talking. Not proceeding with anything. I foolishly told her I missed her 4 days ago but was ignored.

I feel ****. Almost 7 months since breaking up, I can't seem to find enjoyment in anything. I've been to therapy etc so don't need to be recommended that. Any help would be great!

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JamieGoodrum's picture
[1750]
Nov 9

@bebobaBetty thank you. That's kind of you to say!

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JamieGoodrum's picture
[1750]
Nov 9

@TDT no I haven't read the book but a lot of people have spoken about it! I may purchase it on the play store and have a read tonight at some point! Every day I'm feeling better. A combination of working a lot, going to the gym and then finding time to enjoy the things I like. When i was married i felt guilty for playing on my laptop when my wife was home from work so i would come off as soon as she came back and spend the day with her.

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[90]
Nov 9

I’m so sorry you went through this. You didn’t deserve any of that. You deserve much better. I know there’s nothing we can say to make you feel better but with time everything will get better. You’ll meet someone who will make you happy. In the meantime go out with friends and try new adventures. You’ll meet someone when you least expect it. Blessings to you.

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