its been 2 years since she's been gone and almost one year s

its been 2 years since she's been gone and almost one year since the divorce and sometimes it still feels like yesterday. Why do i still want someone who hurt me and lied to me so much? When I told her I was unhappy I asked for a trial separation and she said no "lets just get it over with". She left and didn't try and didn't fight for us. That still hurts. We talked last year with hopes of reuniting and but I found out when we were talking that she was seeing someone and didn't say anything about it. More lies and she couldn't understand why I was so upset because we were just talking. I tried to explain to her that we were talking to see if we had a chance and see if we could communicating open and honest, and that she was seeing someone was information I should have had. She thought I was judging her. Still, I think about the love we shared and I miss her. I'm so pissed at myself for missing her and wanting her. Maybe I expect too much in relationships and maybe I shouldn't be so hard on her ?

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[1235]
Jul 17

@HurtHubby hey thx for the straight shot, I needed that bluntness. Denial is a good distraction from the truth and I guess it keep what feels like hope but you're right its really denial acting like hope. My problem is I doubted myself too much and excused her behaviour far too much. I feel I've taken another step towards healing yippee

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[3445]
Jul 17

@newlydivorced, sorry if I was too forward. Sometimes you see things better when you are out of the box. This kind of behaviour infuriates me, when one spouse tries hard and the other is along for the ride. I was duped for some of my 23 years of marriage. My wife liked drugs more than me and had very little intimacy. Yet I put up with it because I loved her. How pathetic is this, I once told her that I wished that she loved me as much as she loved the refer! As you can see, I have been ther, done that. I don't like to see other people taken advantage of like I was. Hang in there.

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[1235]
Jul 18

@HurtHubby - you were absolutely not too forward . I needed to hear that in plain English. It's exactly how I felt but often pushed away or denied that. I'm sorry you put up with that for 23 years but I can tell you learned a lot about it. I appreciate your comments very much , They have helped to shake me out of that funk .

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