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It was two years ago today that it was confirmed my stbx wif

[1620]

It was two years ago today that it was confirmed my stbx wife was having an affair. Figured after two years this would be easier. It wasnt the affair, it was all the outlandish lies that she told about me to everyone, the false domestic violence restraining order, and her continual manipulations that I was crushed by. The way she continually was attempting to get the kids not to like me by lying to them about things and so forth... It is not as hard as it was two year ago obviously, but I thought it would be easier than this. She continues to play victim and it is getting old.

I still cannot fathom how someone that a person was with for a total of 20 years could do all of this to a human being. How can she go around telling all of her lies, while deep down knowing it is all BS... Can someone just turn that switch off and hate you that much? Will she one day every have a revelation that she made a huge mistake? How can she hold a sustainable relationship with this new guy or anyone else? I would assume that at some point all the lies that she has told him about me are going to surface.... I just dont get it. I am doing my best to move forward and be the best person I can be for me and my kids though it is still a struggle.

Thanks for listening.

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Annep2018's picture
[4895]
Jul 1

@CN75 I think she cannot view you as a good person because it does not fit her narrative of you. I have come to realize the same for me. How can my x view me as such a horrible person when I stayed and tried to work on the marriage, and I am the one raising the kids by myself. I can only imagine what you must go thru having to coparent. Ugh. It is a mixed blessing for me that he moved 7 states away so I only deal with him thru text, but the kids miss out in seeing their dad. I have been using the grey rock technique as well. I am not sure if he even noticed in my case. I only respond to messages that are specific about the kids, finances, or insurance. The rage texts from when I filed for divorce and the passive aggressive ones that are not really asking anything I don’t answer. I can see where it would make your x angrier though. She is no longer getting a fight from you, negative attention is still attention. I do hope that one day you find peace. Maybe when your kids are older and you do not have to speak as often it will be better.

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[1620]
Jul 1

@Annep2018 , When I started to use the grey rock technique she noticed right away. And that is when the attempt at mental manipulation got even worse. At one point she actually said, ' what ever happened to the guy who said he would always love me, always take care of me, the guy who said I was the most important person in the world...' I would not condone that with an answer, nor look at her at all and walked away... When I would no longer engage in her moronic behavior she would tell me that I was cruel to her, mean to her, not very nice to her, and various other phrases all about her.. Found it interesting how when I decided to disconnect from it she became so unstable to the point she would start shaking and literally stomp away like a spoiled little kid...

I began to only communicate to her in emails about things and it would only be about the kids. They would be simple, direct and to the point. She did not like that either. I started that the very last of several times she told me... ' why dont you just kill yourself and make my life easier...' I was so done.. When I pick up the kids from her and she picks up the kids from me, I do not say anything to her at all, I do not even look at her. I know what will happen if I even look in her direction... More mental warfare that is unnecessary and that I do not need to be put through.. I have been doing this for a year and a half now and she has only made it worse for the kids by talking crap about me to them and a bunch of other unnecessary things. For the childrens sake I will not stoop to her level. I just hope that my kids one day will grow up and know the truth... I really do.

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Annep2018's picture
[4895]
Jul 3

@CN75 I am so sorry for all that you have been thru. Her words are so hurtful, let alone her actions to you. It really is like dealing with a child in an adults body. Your a good guy for not stooping to her level. I am sure one day the kids will figure it out.

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