I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up. Definitely

JSSS's picture

I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up. Definitely at some point soon, I think we need to tell our kids that we're planning on getting a divorce. The kids know that we aren't happy together, so I'm hoping that it won't come as a complete surprise to them. Right now probably isn't the best timing, due to other issues going on with one of my children, but soon.

To follow that conversation, I really want to move out of the house. Living here with stbx and even sharing a bed with her, is really hard. You can cut the tension with a knife. I don't want to talk to her and she really doesn't want to talk to me. There are no "hard feelings" between us I don't think, I think it's just that we're done with each other. I just don't even know where to start. As I've written before, and sorry if I'm rambling...this is just as much me journaling as anything else, I don't know I'd have the money to move out. Since my stbx and I both own this house together, I'm on the mortgage. I'm sure I then wouldn't qualify for another mortgage, so I'm assuming I'd have to find a place to rent. But I'd hate to sign a one year lease on a small apartment, which is all I'd probably be able to afford...if that. If I got a small apartment, then how would my kids get to see me or spend time with me? They certainly wouldn't be able to stay the night with me. Renting a full size house may be out of my price range, unless I dip into my 401K/retirement funds, which I REALLY have been trying to avoid doing.

It almost seems like there is no way out of this until stbx and I are fully divorced and all assets are separated. In other words, we'd have to sell this house and get our equity out of it. But if we did that, we'd have to scramble to find places to live once the house sells. I'm so confused. I just want to get out of here and start working on rebuilding my life.

This whole thing has me so depressed and tired. I've stopped going to the gym, which is a big deal for me. I've been going to the gym regularly for 15+ years now. But I'm just too tired to get out of bed and go in the morning. Plus, stbx uses the same gym, and I don't really want to deal with her there.

Sorry, I'll stop ranting and raving. Thanks for reading and letting me get my thoughts on electronic paper.

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beth65's picture
Jul 3

It was furnished with dishes, bed, microwave, fridge, stove, shelves also. The Airbnb I mean.

mmadlecl's picture
Jul 8

@beth65 If there's something that major that you don't like about it, don't relocate to that place. I'm in the process of figuring out where I want to live too. But I've decided to stay in the state I'm in Mi. It's a beautiful state and seems to have a lot of choices. But you have to like the cold weather and the change of seasons. Mi doesn't tax your SS which is a plus if you're retired. I lived in In for years and didn't care for it. If you want a suggestion Greenville SC is a beautiful area. I'd move there but it's too far away from my grandson.

beth65's picture
Jul 9

@mmadwaite thanks for the suggestion. I actually visited a friend there last Christmas before he died and it seemed nice for the few minutes I was there. SC is the second worst crime in the US though. However my two sisters live there. No area thrills me right now. I should probably consult a psychologist or something. I did find an apartment near my older daughter and grandkids in Atlanta area that might accept the dogs, however they want me to have a job making 3 times the rent which I don't have right now, even though I would be paying the lease in full. So she is going to ask for an exception. I think it is a no brainer to rent to someone whose rent is guaranteed for the entire lease. The landlord in Baltimore I worked for would have jumped on that. There is also a house about 45 minutes from there which is in a remote little depressed town and 20 minutes from shopping and swimming. It does have a nice park across the street. I'm asking about that too. The apartment is more appealing right now because I think I will meet more people and make more friends. But would have to make sure dogs are let out when I'm gone a long time. I spent part of my childhood in Hawaii and I think I'm a bit nostalgic about that right now but that is out of the question. Hawaii had a lot of diversity and I liked the culture there as a kid anyway. I as a white person was a 40% minority. We also lived on Midway Island when I was in first grade and they've turned that into a bird sanctuary. Atlanta has winter but not as cold and not as long. It does have roaches and snakes though. And just had a bunch of shootings. I'm in Virginia at the moment and saw a huge black snake slither past outside my window yesterday.

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