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I'm new here. Married 20 years and a SAHM .I have been in a


I'm new here. Married 20 years and a SAHM .I have been in a emotional detached marriage for years now.We have tried therapy and many things. Well, I tried, he showed up at best. HE says he loves me and is happy. I know im not and im no longer in love. We haven't been intimate in a long time and he doenst even push it. I told him years back its over and he finally said okay and we tried to have him move out, but we can't afford it. I let it go just to be able to live together w/o that tension.I don't know how people separate when they can't afford to move.WE have kids and a home and all out money is in that. no room for a small place and cant down size as were not living rich as is. I am a SAHm in school for a career but im far from it. I feel so trapped and like im lying to my hub so apparently thinks were fine as long as i dont talk of it. I feel im wasting my life in a loveless marriage , and i feel guilty like im leading him on by not telling( reminding) him al the time, that im not happy and i dont want to be with him. He seems happy with me and the kids and even gets flirty and i just dodge it. IDK what to do???

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Nov 16

@Weedhater, good to know you got away from the emotional abuse and your kids are happy.

Nov 17

I did and I didn't, I got him out of the house but its not over, not even close to it. He doesn't accept its finished, he's constantly ringing, creating drama, manipulating the kids, he is a compulsive liar, I am always mortified what is he going to do next. I live in constant fear and looking over my shoulder, that's why I joined the group. I did get him out of the house and that was a huge milestone. The fact that he can no longer humiliate me, make me feel like I'm the one that is crazy, treating me with very little respect, daily rejection - well that's over! It allows me to get stronger now so that I will eventually be able to deal with the fear and the stalking.

Doogas2008's picture
Nov 17


"Read the book, I know our different ways, we just dont work well on an intimate level."

Did you at any point?

You said at one point in these threads that he passes gas like it is funny.... He has crude humor... You are not intimatly attracted to him anymore.

Tell him those exact words, I know it may sound like a mean thing to do, but he needs to hear it.

I want you to be happy, and that is important to me.

Just tell him... "You aren't there for me the way I need you to be emotionally (Insert exactly how you need him to be).

Then let him respond...

If he responds with "I know" or "Yeah I uderstand". Tell him "No you don't because you've said that before. (Insert something positive about that, but tell him it isn't enough.)" Then say... "Are you happy with me? I need you to be 100% honest, and tell me what I do that makes you not know how to be there for me emotionally? I want to be physically and emotionally attracted to you again, but I feel like that really doesn't matter to you.

Let him respond...

Say something positive to him at this point to let him know he is a good man and a good father

Then tell him... "Your crude humor and passing gas all the time needs to stop. It is not funny to me, and I would really appreciate if you'd stop. I know it sounds like I am asking a lot here, but I really feel like these things a hurting our relationship to levels it can't be repaired."

Then let him answer...

If he is just generic again with a "Yeah I know'... Tell him "This is what I am talking about, you aren't emotionally engaged in this conversation. This hurts me a lot, and I need you to be more engaged in my feelings."

Then this is the point when you ask him what I have been saying... "Be honest with me. Does all this talking about how I am unhappy annoy you in any way? I really need to know if me telling you this all the time is what makes you distant emotionally? I just want results and I want to be emotionally and physically attracted to you again, what can I do to help you be more involved?"

With all or that said, I get it though. You want to be happy again. He just can't give you what you need from him. I truly just want what is best for you, and I am sorry I hurt you. Really hope you get what you are looking for whether it be with him or without him.

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