I want your opinion. Do you think people that have gone thro

I want your opinion. Do you think people that have gone through abuse from their partners for years ( verbal, mental) find it easier to deal and work through a divorce?
Does it get super lonely or is the betrayal and abuse good enough reminders to keep you going? Funny how they always want to change when things start getting real.like really. Haven’t I begged you for years for these things? By now I’m so hurt and my walls are up so high I don’t know if anything you ever do will break them down again. Such a sad situation. Don’t want to get divorced, but also wish it was done and worked through so REAL life can start. If I have to be honest, no matter how good it is right now, I still don’t think I want to stay long term. Working a plan. Will take while.only option is to take it day by day till I am able to live independently, then make the final choice.(although I have divorce papers sitting in my cupboard) don’t know how I got here, but here i am.

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@mic96 thank you for sharing. The challenge I have is as you mentioned - things are not bad ALL the time but if you think about it, the things that have happened and the bad times defo does not make it worth it. Financially I am stuck for now. We had an incident a few days ago where after 3yrs since the infidelity, I found porn search on his phone. I think this will be one of the things that I will say has been part of the final straw. I was so sad and disappointed - like dday all over again. He became an animal when exposed and totally overpowered and shut me down in every way. But since he has achieved alpha status in his mind again, he has been a good boy. So over it. So sad. So don’t want to leave. So don’t feel like all the new struggle. So don’t want to put my teenage son and daughter through any of this since they have been living with the same as me when it comes to him, except he is their father - so even more difficult as the abuser seems to have such great power and hold on others.like a spell.
Plz tell me more about your situation. So good to hear from people already on the other side and that have an idea of what’s going down.
He will never change will he?

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(50)
Nov 22

@SisterinChrist I first want to say people are capable of change. But it won't happen without his own humility, acceptance of his wrongs, and making genuine effort to change. Unfortunately, for people like this, accountability never happens and that's why we don't see change. I saw something recently about people like this: "They want the respect of a king, but have the accountability of a toddler." SO true.
I don't know if there was infidelity but I know there was porn. For us, it was a lot of gaslighting and manipulation. I questioned everything about myself down to my own sanity. I became this shell of a person with no identity of my own because it was all stripped away. Then - I started seeing it happen to my daughter. THAT was eye opening for sure.
Do I struggle financially? FOR SURE. Sometimes I don't know how I'm going to make rent, put gas in my car, etc. But somehow we always make it and the hardships on this side are far less than the hardships of being married to an abuser. I also completely understand your hesitations to leave! It is SO.HARD. And no one that hasn't been there understands why you can't just walk away. It's easy to pass judgment from the outside but when you're in it, the mind control takes over. The hope takes over! We want so badly to believe that the good we see in those moments of light are what's real. Sadly, for the most part, they are not. They are just another manipulation tactic to keep power and control.
You will be in my prayers. Reach out again if you want to chat more.

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@mic96 thank you so much.

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