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I never spoke to my husband's ex and I let it be known to a

beth65's picture

I never spoke to my husband's ex and I let it be known to all and to his daughter when she asked me why that it was because I didn't like what she did to my husband. She moved out of their home and moved in with her friend, then proceeded to have an affair with his wife, effectively breaking up two homes with children involved. Then moved in with the man while both were still married to other people and pretended they were a family, took family photos and all that. Eventually they did marry. His ex wanted us to be on friendly terms but I refused. I didn't create scenes, I just didn't participate at all and wanted nothing to do with her. I was also insecure about her in regards to my husband. Fast forward to now and he did the same thing to me that his ex did to him; had an affair with the woman I call Skank and moved her in with him while we were still married. To be fair I had left at that point and was hoping the time apart would help us to work on things. But Skank was already in the picture. I tried to teach my stepdaughter that living together not married and also cheating is wrong. So now her father is teaching her it is ok. And Skank now is buddies with his ex and everyone is happier. So my questions for the group is how do you be friendly with someone without condoning or appearing to condone their behavior? How could I have made an effort to get along better with his ex without showing my stepdaughter it is ok to shack up? Maybe I am wrong and shacking up is perfectly fine and I need to get with the times? It's not like I'm a saint. If I am going to be part of my step daughter's life how do I get along with his woman without appearing to be ok with the situation? Or should I just leave the picture all together?

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Nov 13

This is a complicated and painful situation! Sorry things are like this in your life right now! So much to sort out. I'm thinking that perhaps it would help to take a step back and start by asking yourself why you think shacking up is not OK. And why you think cheating is not OK. You may have 2 different answers to these 2 different questions. Once you get clear in your own head on them, maybe then you can go on to the next questions. Best of luck!

Nov 19

You do not have to get with the times, the times have just changed in a very negative way in this area. People have loosened moral values and many think it ok to live in a way that just takes into account what makes them happy at the moment, with no regard to moral values or the damage they are doing to others around them. You are not wrong, just not in the best company it seems. You can be cordial and respectful without having to be buddies with people that do not share your moral views and values. As for everything you have been through, counseling might be a helpful tool for healing and working out all the stuff you've had to go through. I highly recommend you call this number 855-382-5433, they have some awesome people willing to hear you out and help guide you. I am praying for you to find the answers you are looking for.


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