I need so much advice/help, stories of what other people wen

brokenbecky's picture
[95]

I need so much advice/help, stories of what other people went through. I found out last Thursday my husband had an affair that lasted for 10m. It started in the summer of 2015 and ended the summer of 2016. He ended all communication with the other woman when it ended in 2016. The other woman happened to be my daughter infant teacher at her preschool (this woman is no longer working there, not because of this, the boss didn't know, but because this girl caused a ton of drama w/ staff, and the boss was fed up w/ her behavior). When this girl was my daughter's teacher, we became friendly, would exchange texts back and forth about the kids. When my daughter got older, and went to the toddler room at the daycare, the texts were more sparse, but still I would say once every couple of months she would text me. After she got fired from the daycare, she texted me a few weeks after saying she "left" the daycare and was much happier leaving. I still at this point knew nothing so I told her the kids were going to a new school as well. This was in June of this year. Last week she texted me again and asked how my son's first day of school was and I told her it went well and sent her a picture of him. I told my husband about both times she texted me, again not thinking anything of it, just came up in conversation. He went through my phone last week after she had texted me to see what she said. He was scared, I think, that she was still texting me, so in fear he told me last Thursday. At first his story of what happened, like the details didn't add up, so I thought he was lying, and not telling me everything. He did admit that he initiated all of it...started by him messenging her on facebook commenting on her pictures, then he gave her his number. Then it progressed and my husband and this girl would meet up and have sex in her car (I know its disgusting) for 10m. I didn't buy that, but I actually spoke to this girl last night and her story of what happened exactly matches my husbands and I didn't tell her what he said, and I had proof from him they stopped talking in the summer of 2016 (well im confident, I feel like anything is possible at this point). She also went on to tell me things that he had told her like it wasn't the first time he did this since we have been together, etc. I spoke w/ the director at the daycare because I wanted to ensure what they knew and that my daughter was never in any type of harms way, and the director was not surprised that this girl did this because apparently she had bragged about breaking up relationships with other people before. I know disgusting. However, my husband started it all. I guess I just don't know what do to at this point. I have two kids under 5, I don't know how I can ever forgive him. He is crying begging me to give him another chance. I literally cant even look at him. I can barely eat, sleep, do anything. I have so much hatred, anger, sadness, I can't even think straight. And I know I don't have to decide anything now, but the reality is I have two small kids, where he needs to help me out minimally right now w/ transportation for the kids since I work full time. He is doing that and said he will do whatever I tell him to do. I just don't know. Has our whole relationship been a lie? How will I know he will never do this again? How can I love someone like that, that doesn't respect me at all? How could he do that to his babies? Ugh im at a loss

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brokenbecky's picture
[95]
Sep 13

Thank you Jenn. I think what is so hard is that he initiated this relationship with this girl, like started the whole thing. I mean regardless the whole thing is disgusting and wrong, but he started the flirting w/ her, he asked her to meet up, etc. Its like why didn't he just tell me he wanted to leave? He respects me that little? He is begging me now to work it out, apologizing, saying he wants to work on things, but I cant trust anything he says. I feel like he is just sad that I know now and he realizes he threw everything good away. He is just so selfish.

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Km27's picture
[13065]
Sep 13

@brokenbecky Just arm yourself with as much knowledge as possible. www.chumplady.com is a good start. I'm glad you are going to counseling. I supported you! If you support me you can also send private messages to people that have mutual support! Remember to take care of yourself.

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Jenn4473's picture
[14125]
Sep 16

@brokenbecky It is disgusting and wrong and I agree, I don't understand why people just can't be more honest when other people's emotions are invested. That is very selfish. At least he is asking you to work things out. That's more than I got from my ex.

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