I’m new here and am looking for support. My divorce was fi

I’m new here and am looking for support. My divorce was finalized in May of this year. My ex husband has been so rude and disrespectful since the process started. We have a 1 y.o together and he gets nasty with me w.e I ask for financial help from him. He’s on child support and is only paying $200 bc I asked my attorney to lie on the financial docs so he could sign the divorce forms and we could move on with our lives. He agreed to go half with me on things such as daycare but now that help is being requested, he’s refusing to help me pay for daycare and wants 50/50 timesharing to avoid having to pay for it. My attorney said that timesharing can’t be changed so soon and will have to wait a minimum of 2 years but my ex wants us to change it just not through the courts.I’m currently working with my attorney and his child support will be increased to what it’s supposed to be which will cover half of childcare. In addition to that, he’s been posting other women on social media and flashing tons of cash on there but gets mad at me for needing to put our son in daycare. He told me to apply for gov’t assistance or watch him while I’m working but I can’t. I don’t follow him on social media but my friend slipped up and told me what he’s been posting even though I asked my friends not to. What he’s posting hurts (other women and him out on dates) bc we just split and we split bc he kept cheating on me. I know I can’t control what he posts but being a single mom is hard. Him constantly attacking me verbally and yelling at me when I speak with him about our child makes co-parenting hard. I told him that going forward we should text and no longer answer his calls. His voice triggers me and that’s the only way that I can control my mental space. Idk, I hate being divorced and a single mom. I have no more tears to shed. He shows no remorse and just moved on like we weren’t a family.

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mmadlecl's picture
(52430)
Oct 21

SavedByGrace I'm so sorry, but in the long run you'll be better off. This guy takes no responsibility not even for his own child. You don't want to spend your life with him. Work with your attorney; don't let him off the hook. He treats you bad because he's tying to intimidate you into doing what he wants. If you must communicate with him use Grey Rock Technique. It can empower you and make you feel more in control. If he starts talking about financial stuff, tell him to go thru his attorney. Avoid his social media and any information people try and give you. I know they may think they're helpful, but it will only hinder your moving on. It will get easier; you just have to focus on you and your child.

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Thank you. Everything you said is what my therapist said. I’m definitely going to do that. I’m going to pick up a journal today to see if journaling will also help.

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Leahzan's picture
(21280)
Oct 21

It is hard, but you have to just let go and focus on simple straight forward communication that follows the letter of the law. Don't let him manipulate your emotions and convince you into side deals. It sounds like that already happened with the reduced child support and no enforceability on splitting costs. Its hard, but at this stage being firm and cold is what is going to be the best for you. And, funnel your energies into your child. It will be worth it when they grow up and see that you were always there for them.

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