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I just met with my stbxh and it couldn't have been more deva

[1305]

I just met with my stbxh and it couldn't have been more devastating. I am the idiot who still thinks that if there is love everything can be solved and it's not like that. He accuses me of things I haven't done. He has create an image of me like I am a monster and he has done everything well and has been an amazing husband and I am a bi*ch that didn't appreciate that and that is not true. He tells me that is not that bad that he yells at me and dares to ask me when has he yelled at me (all the time!). It is crazy how he has created a story around how I am the one to blame and how he has done everything for me, and it is so untrue so unfair that I want to cry from frustration. Anyway, I am the stupid who wants him back and he doesn't want to be with me anymore, he wants nothing to do with me and blames me for everything. He manipulates the reality of what happened. I am such a stupid because he doesn't love me and I keep begging him. He is completely convinced that he has been the perfect husband and I have been an awful wife. I feel so low, so worthless... everything I have done for him, his family, his son... all is worth nothing to him. He judges me for my mistakes and not for the good things. At the end of the day for him I am worthless. I don't know how loving him this much he tells me he doesn't believe I love him and doesn't trust in my love for him. I feel so worthless... like nothing is enough because I am judged for my mistakes. I feel so much pain. I thought we were going to grow older together. 3 weeks ago we were going to have kids, buying a house and now he says he doesn't want to be with me anymore. 8 years thrown into the trash because my flaws are worst than my virtues. He doesn't want to be with me because he says I treat him bad, when he is the one who has badmouthed me to our friends so badly that even they have defended me. He is the one who yells at me, who explodes for little things, who wants everything done his way, the one who doesn't care about my needs... and I am the crappy wife for telling him so. Because the reason of him telling me I treat him bad is for pointing this things out. He blames me for telling him that he is unflexible, that he acts selfish (he does!) He just doesn't want anybody to point anything wrong with him because he thinks he is perfect. I can't even express an opinion that contradicts him or express a diferent point of view without him telling me that I am calling him and a****le and that he is not worth it (whaaaaat?). Anyway, he doesn't love me anymore. How do I stop loving him?

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Pookiebear5286's picture
[4225]
Oct 8

@Maria40m how do you cope with the everyday struggle? Right now i keep having mix feelings, i want him, i dont want him, im okay, im not okay. There are day that get so bad i just couldn't eat or sleep. Since this whole thing, I pretty sleeps about 4 hours a day. I still have work and take care of the kids.

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Maria40m's picture
[10315]
Oct 9

@Pookiebear5286 To be honest I’m pretty much coping the way you are...up and down like a yo yo and very confused...what I am realising is he’ll be suffering just like us .....I wish I could wave this magic ward to delete this unwanted hurt for everyone including him . It’s so hard when your emotions are clouding your judgements. Goodluck but keep surviving somehow.

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Pookiebear5286's picture
[4225]
Oct 9

@Maria40m you too. I'm so glad I can talk to you guys about it.

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