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I hope all is as well as it can be for all of you. I do not

Karrie77's picture

I hope all is as well as it can be for all of you. I do not mean to unload on here after being gone for a while. I am a complete mess. I am exhausted and just want this all to be over with. I had to put my internship on hold and find a job. I am still trying to work it out so I can do both. One on a day shift and one on second shift. I have 16 weeks of school left before graduation. I had to quit my internship due to not being able to work it around a job and it was not paid. I am hoping to have another one this week. I did get a job that starts at the end of the month but due to the hours I will not be able to hold an internship. I am hoping to fix this problem this week and have both. I am just hoping that it works out.
The holidays were a bust here. My husband started two fights with our son via text. One was on Christmas Eve. It was over a chair that our son has. An electric recliner that my husband wanted. Our son did not get it to him fast enough. When our son did not want to get rid of it in the first place. It was so ridiculous. It made no sense. He was so nasty to our son. Then there was a second fight that took place over FB. It is just nonsense. The husband did not even say Merry Christmas or Happy New Year to the kids. I cried. I cried because of the pain he caused our son. The fact that he couldn’t even say anything to the kids that was nice even if he thinks they do not want to talk to him. I cried because I still love him. The kids saw pictures of him partying during the holidays on two different occasions. This crushed their hearts. Our daughter blocked him on FB finally. I cried again.
The last time he texted our daughter it was a snarky comment over her not talking to him the week before Christmas and she never answered him back. he has only sent two messages to her in two months. He has not tried to see her in two months. He only texts her when he has a counseling session and the counselor tells him he needs to stay in contact with his kids because he is still their dad. But this is what pissed her off. Her feeling is that he should be and should have wanted to speak to the two of them regularly regardless because he is their dad. She refuses to speak to him due to the things he has done. She p***ed her driver's test on Wednesday and she won't tell her dad. She stated that he does not deserve to know anything about her. She feels this way due to him hurting all three of us and abandoning us.
Our son demanded a meeting with dad on this coming Sunday due to wanting closure and asking him whether or not he still wanted to be his dad. And to express his feelings over all the crap his dad said to him. We will see how this goes. If it does not go well my son will not be speaking to his dad ever again either. Or at the very least years.
I do not want a divorce. Never did. I feel like I am being forced into it. There is nothing I can do. I had a meeting with a lawyer today. My husband did not want lawyers involved. I am ***uming because he cannot afford it. My parents were nice enough to help me out with this. They will not allow him to hurt the three of us anymore. I was devastated all over again today, having to begin the divorce process. I cried from the time I walked into the office this morning at 0930 till about 1400. I was sobbing uncontrollably. This hurts so bad. I never wanted to do this. I love him so much.
I hope that I am doing the right thing. I am trying to just focus on my kids and making sure that they are stable, safe, and good throughout life.
I do not understand why he hates me and what he hates me for. Why he resents me. I know that I am not supposed to worry about these things but it happens. People are like Karrie, you can't think about that kind of stuff. I am here still living my life, taking care of my kids and doing what I have to do to survive. I haven't stopped my life. However, I am still sad. I am still hurting. Three and half months later, I am know forced into a divorce. Having to go to the lawyer was so difficult. It broke my heart more. This is so painful. But not for him. He doesn’t care about us. Well maybe the kids a little but not me at all. My daughter does not believe that he loves us at all, much less himself. She thinks life is going to bite him in the *** at some point. I do not think that he will learn anything from this. I have always given him what he has wanted and asked for. This is the final thing I can do for him.
I really hope that he is finally happy, that he has found where he wants to be.
I feel so broken.

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Jan 11

Sorry you're hurting. And hurting for your children, too. It's hard watching our children go through pain like this. It's okay to cry and it's okay to let our children have their own emotions and thoughts about what is going on. Sometimes parents cause their children a great deal of pain. I think it helps to remember that we can't control other people's actions or make their choices for them. We only get to make our own decisions. But even though that means we might lose someone we love, it also gives us power over ourselves. Would you or your children benefit from counseling? My older children have people they confide in. And extended family have stepped in to help, too. It's good to be a part of a network of people who support each other.

Karrie77's picture
Jan 11

@limenavy, Thank you for your empathy. We are seeing a counselor have been for a few months now with my daughter. My son just started last week. We do have people to talk too as well.

444ever's picture
Jan 12

Wow I sounds like we are living the same life. I feel your pain. Although my husband is very involved and loving toward our children. I’m trying so hard to figure out what went wrong other than outside influencers. I feel your pain. I’m married to some who has so much pain and pent up anger and is releasing it on me through his actions. Stay strong.


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