I have not made a post in a long time. I have not adjusted t

I have not made a post in a long time. I have not adjusted to the new look and I've buried my mind into working. Saturday night was a major trigger for me. I let my youngest child go with his dad & he allowed the woman that lead to my filing for divorce interact with my son after I told him that would be unacceptable. He has told me over & over again that he's not in a relationship with her, so why have her around my child. He lied & told my son that she's his sister. He also said she doesn't interact with my son she just stopped by to see him at his grandparents house & gave my son some candy. I don't allow my kids to eat candy unless its a special occasion. I felt very disrespected & violated all over again. I cried my eyes out and started having chest pain, I couldn't sleep, eat or get out of bed on Sunday. It felt like when I found out he was cheating all over again. All he could say was that I was overreacting. If you have been where I've been you will understand how hard & painful this is for me. If I had the power I would take this pain away in a instant. I would make it to where anything my ex does or does not do wouldn't have any affect on me at all. This hurts tremendously. It's going on 4 years since I left him and I will not stop until I've fully recovered no matter how much I am down in the dumps.

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(10365)
Feb 22

@Leahzan I think its great that you're preparing them. I don't respect my ex at all because he's not really there for my kids. He rather hang out with friends & talk to women so I struggle with figuring things out on my own. I'm away from my kids right now & I had to beg him to please help out. You would think they would be with him but their not I had to pay my aunt to look after them & my mom helps out as well when she's not working & he doesn't care. So I feel that he should respect my wishes & keep her away from them. He makes me feel like I had them on my own.

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(10365)
Feb 22

@Annep2018 I am happy to know that it doesn't bother you that he's still with her, that gives me hope. I am so hurt by my ex cheating with her & still talks to her. He denies her being his gf but people tell me otherwise. It would hurt a lot if he gets official with her & introduce her to my kids. It's nice that your able to date. I am not ready although sometimes I feel so lonely & desperate to date someone in order to help me get over my ex. I know that wouldn't be healthy. Once I'm triggered I hurt deeply but I dig myself out of the hole eventually. I just have to reach the point where the hole is closed permanently so there is no way I'll ever fall into again. Thank you for sharing your story.

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(10365)
Feb 22

@mmadlecl thank you for your kind words I needed that. I pray so hard for the day his actions won't bother me at all anymore. It's very draining & it makes me feel cripple to the world.

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