I have been with my wife 7years I met her in Nepal mountaine

I have been with my wife 7years I met her in Nepal mountaineering and was married in Nepal I was in a 12step program and relapsed after 8years cause I have a OxyContin table after a operation a year ago I had a very traumatic life before I found recovery no family a lot of jail I was very unconscious hard. So I used for 1 year and my wife never saw this person before she didn't sign up for the mad addiction tim I did so many **** things and wasn't in control at all didn't know what I was doing cause I was in my addiction full on I lost everything I had built over 8years and the one person who loved me said she didn't love me anymore and left I never saw it coming cause I was so out of reality and a different person now I got clean I have realised what I have done I'm not saying I'm not at fault but trying to explain that wasn't me I was in my addiction to someone who is no a addict is pointless I would never have done the things I did if I didn't have that one tablet I wish I could change the past cause the worst part is it's my fault and I can't live with that. Now reality has kicked in and I'm straight im sorry I can live I sit in my room crying I can't sleep for days I had a mini heart attack and I feel so depressed I want to kill myself everyday I have always been happy I can't see life without her anymore. It's like a nightmare I can't believe happened I just don't care about anything anymore I'm near the end I think my body physically is shutting down and mentally I can't cope with the pain anymore seems easier to leave the world I'm so ashamed and lonely. I have had a lot of pain and trama in my life but this is to much I wish life didn't turn out like this. I would do anything take it back.

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AnaLeigh's picture
[77170]
Dec 8

I am sorry that addiction has ruined your marriage and your life, as it has for so many people. There are things addiction takes from you that you can never get back, and your wife is probably one of them. But that doesn't mean life is over. I strongly suggest you talk to a professional so they can help you work through this. One of my patients awhile ago was an addict for years and lost everyone in his life. But he overcame that loss, and went on to be an inspiration to a lot of people who were struggling. We're here for you as you work through this, my friend. *hugs*

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