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I have been married for 28 years and Love my husband, but he

[235]

I have been married for 28 years and Love my husband, but he has been abusing me emotionally for the past 2 years.His been on social media having intimate discussion with women if various ages. The 1 st time I found out about it he had an excuse as u have been distant due to us loosing a grandchild to death.we worked through everything together and i firgave him.A year later i found out that he never stopped going in these sites and chatting to various women again but this time it was much mord sexual and visual as naked pictures were exchanged.At that point i was so emotionaaly drained with the loss if my grand dayghter as it wad her first year death anniversary.I went for councilling and invited him to come as u wanted us to address the problem he had as i was convinced that he eas a sex addict as i was not vety sexual in that past year.He once again promised me thst he was done with all this madness and gave me his social media passwords to check and see uf his been telling thd truth.I wrnt into hid accounts randomely and sae that he was telling the truth and i o ce again committed myself to make our maarriage work.It was really great ad he bonded with his daughtet who rejected him the 1 st time this happened and this really added more pressure on me as i haf intervene and ask them to please give him another chance.We all grew very close as a family and helped each other through the grieve we felt and rebuilding the family.Evetything was perfect but not without minor misunderstandings but we were able to fix it apologize and move on from there.It is now almost another year that past and I am faced with a much worse problem.he created himself new social media profiles and had never stopped what he was doing it has worsened to the point where he is now paying these girl either by sending money or airtime for nude pictures of themselves which they gladly oblige to as that is what the sites are for.The worst part is that he chats to these girls in the most vulgar way that I have ever heard.raw sex talks and sending pictures of his private parts to them but im not even allowed to wear short skirts or show any cleavage at all then its a problem.he never had money for the house as he does not earn a plot of money and I have a good job so I pay for everything from the roof to the food etc which I never complained about.For the 1 st time in my 28 years of marriage did I wish i could die then I wouldn't have to deal with the pain and betrayal once more.I am just too tired and emotionally drained to fight with him any longer and try and save my marriage and decided to get a divorce.I asked him to leave the house as I could not bear seeing that sad face when he is caught out again and for fear of what I wanted to do to him. He is now living with my married daughter and her husband since Monday.We have 4 daughters another grand daughter and a grandson of which the grand daughter looks up to him as her dad and me her mom as her mom was still very young when she had her.It breaks my heart that she will have to grow up without having him in her life but what else can u do.I cannot let he m continue abusing my love and kindness for her sake even though I would do almost anything for her.Please give me some advise ad good am so scared if being alone hyt also determined to see this through hut need support to guide me and talk me through it and just tell me everything is going to be ok.Thanks and God Bless.

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[470]
Jul 11

Hi @celeste I'm so sorry that after 28 years of marriage you are having to go deal with this devastating situation. I also know the pain of betrayal of trust and the negative impact it can have on a family. In my case, it also happened three times and each time I chose to forgive and reconcile. The first two times we did not seek help and tried to manage the situation ourselves, now I know this was a huge mistake. The third time I was ready to separate and go the divorce route but by the intervention of God a redemptive work was started in my marriage. God brought into our lives a wonderful counselor and mentor who began to counsel us individually and as a couple. We had to deal with so many issues that for a long time we had swept under the rug and not dealt with. I found out that sexual addiction has a spiritual root that has to be dealt with before there can be real change in the person. The truth is your husband needs help for this addiction and a true remorse and conviction of what he is doing for lasting change to occur. I want to encourage you to put the divorce option to one side for now and instead consider counseling for yourself so that you can begin to find healing for the emotional hurt. This is not to say that you have to be reconciled straight away but that you also ask him to seek help for his addiction and for both of you to try marriage counseling as well. I say all this because this was what God used to bring about a genuine reconciliation between myself and my husband. Also when the offending spouse is truly remorse and with a genuine desire to deal with their addiction then there is a better chance of a successful reconciliation.
I found these wonderful resources online https://bit.ly/2xntK04, that I believe will be of immense benefit to you at this time, so please take time and have a look. I pray that God will cause all things to work together for good for you and your family as he did for me.

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[235]
Jul 11

Hi Ladies thanks so much for your kind words and support through this difficult time. I did not look at any text messages received today neither took his calls.firstly ad it upsets me you are quite right.I opened some of the messages and its the same sing along story.I'm so sorry,what can i do to fix this.I will do anything to fix our marriage blah blah blah.he had 2 chances to make the right choices for his families sake and he chose his addiction over us.he has broken my trust one tii many a times and although I have forgiven him already I cannot see myself staying in the marriage.I hear what you are saying about taking my time to think everything through and seeking counselling. I am seeing a councillor on the 26 the and I am taking a few days off from work just to retreat and have some alone time away from everyone. I have agreed to see him to talk but not sure if its a good idea before I see my counsellor.Please help with this ad I am so confused and heartbroken I cannot think straight right now. You are so right in saying that he needs help and the sooner he realize it he can get help for himself first as there us nothing i can di to syop him from his addiction.If u do opt to not go through with the divorce and we decide to GI for counselling do u have to let him move back as I'm not ready for that step yet. Again thanks for the wise words and prayers.Gid Bless

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Irish925's picture
[9360]
Jul 11

Irish925 = Male...LOL :)

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