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I am really struggling. My husband of 4 years told me 2 week

I am really struggling. My husband of 4 years told me 2 weeks ago that he loves me and always will, but he wanted out. He's tired of the fighting and of me not helping around the house and him not feeling appreciated. I know I screwed up. I'm so depressed lately and it's been hard just to function and continue to live life and do the things I need to do when I just want to lay in bed and cry all day. He's my person and it makes me devastated to know that I've screwed things up this bad. I've kind of overwhelmed everyone in my life by how much I'm talking about it with them. My mom is pretty tired of me talking about it but she is who I go to when I can't talk to him. I only see my therapist once a week so I'm struggling with all the other days. I just want him back so bad and he does things to hurt me when he gets drunk. He tries to cuddle with me in bed and he kisses me on the top of my head and then the next day when he's sober, he acts like he wants nothing to do with me. I don't know what to do anymore. He said he's staying with me until our lease is up (we just signed a new one about a week and a half ago). I just want to turn back time and change things. My heart is broken.

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Aug 12

Of course you're in pain my dear. So sorry things have gone this direction. I agree with the above comment that maybe if your husband will go to counseling. If not, then at least if you continue to go, you'll have at least some of the support you need. Please keep coming here for support as well.

GirlKitty's picture
Aug 13

@Samanthajake I'm so sorry you're hurting, I know that pain well and it's overwhelming. Please know you can come here and talk as much as you need or want to. We've all been there or are still there and we're always here to offer compassion and support. We don't get tired of hearing about it ever.
You said you just signed a new lease. When is this lease up - 6 months? A year? That buys you some time to try to work on the marriage. While I don't agree that you solely at fault, I think you should maybe try doing what he says are his excuses for wanting a divorce in the first place - argue less, clean house more, and show him you appreciate him. See if doing any of those things changes his mind. But, truthfully, those sound like things you discuss with your spouse, not things that cause a divorce. Because my husband used somewhat similar excuses during the course of our marriage, I wonder if your husband is not just saying these things as a way to control you. I'm not an expert, I'm just basing it on my own experience, and this is just a possibility.
I agree with the other posts, see if your husband will go to counseling.
I'm so sorry you're going through this now. I know how painful this is and I'm sorry you're hurting. Please continue to post and let us know how you're doing.

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Aug 15

Your sadness is understandable. Also, you sound like you are willing to work hard at making things right in your marriage. That's wonderful! We all make mistakes, so please do not be too hard on yourself. Marriage counseling sounds like a good idea. Christian marriage counseling helps...it gave us wise, practical, Godly advise on how to not only be a better spouse, but a better person. It also was a safe place to vent, cry, and acknowledge the wrongs we did, and also figure out ways to make things better. Would your husband consider this? Marriages are worth fighting for!!


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