I am really hoping to work this upcoming divorce out with st

JSSS's picture

I am really hoping to work this upcoming divorce out with stbx easily and peacefully, without lawyers involved. I'm guessing she doesn't see it that way, as I overheard her talking to a lawyer this morning. I don't think she is "out to get me", I really don't. I just think she doesn't know what to do, so she thinks contacting a lawyer is the best thing to do. I really was hoping to avoid this and don't want to get one of my own. Besides having lawyers make things ugly, I don't want to have the expense. I have no idea how much a lawyer costs in the long run, but I'm sure it's not cheap.

This just sends my anxiety through the roof. I was hoping her and I would work on talking this out between us and figure out how to end the marriage ourselves. Guess I'm naive.

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beth65's picture
Jul 2

@JSSS support me so I can send you a message.

JSSS's picture
Jul 3

Thanks @Mick77 and @beth65, I appreciate the input. I don't think stbx is trying to play any tricks or push anything. I was the one who mentioned to her that I may want her to have sole custody of the kids. I'm just so sad and depressed that I think they'd be better off with her. But I know that feeling can change, and hopefully it will.

Mick, you had some great suggestions. I do try to spend time with them now, even if it's just hanging out in the same room. I want to be a part of the kids lives and plan to be. I just don't know how the custody arrangement is going to work out and what's best for the kids.

Beth, I supported you, feel free to message me anytime you wish.

mmadlecl's picture
Jul 3

@JSSS If you and her are agreeable, you should be able to work it out. You both can still get lawyers to handle the actual paperwork process. Inventory your assets (everything). Document who gets what like it's a contract. Decide how you are going to handle the custody. If you want her to have full custody, I think that's fine as long as you get regular visitation, rotating holidays, etc. Document that too. Sign and date the documents in front of a notary. I put a statement in mine that changes could be made if we both agreed. My lawyer said to me that this wasn't legally binding and could be broken. They put the information from my document right in the judgement. If you can do this, the legal fees will be so much cheaper. There will be no need for this back and forth arguing over everything. No need for mediation which lawyers make a lot of money on. The other big plus is how much better it will be for your children if you can keep things amicable. This is rare, but for the sake of the kids, the way it should be done.

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