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I am really hoping to work this upcoming divorce out with st

JSSS's picture
[1080]

I am really hoping to work this upcoming divorce out with stbx easily and peacefully, without lawyers involved. I'm guessing she doesn't see it that way, as I overheard her talking to a lawyer this morning. I don't think she is "out to get me", I really don't. I just think she doesn't know what to do, so she thinks contacting a lawyer is the best thing to do. I really was hoping to avoid this and don't want to get one of my own. Besides having lawyers make things ugly, I don't want to have the expense. I have no idea how much a lawyer costs in the long run, but I'm sure it's not cheap.

This just sends my anxiety through the roof. I was hoping her and I would work on talking this out between us and figure out how to end the marriage ourselves. Guess I'm naive.

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mmadwaite's picture
[44515]
6 hours ago

@JSSS I think that's an admirable thing. Just make sure you still get scheduled visitation and follow thru with it. Fighting over kids makes things horrible for everyone. It hurts them for years to come. You will still be their dad. You will still be in their lives, and it will help keep things civil between you and her.

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Kyleah's picture
[5910]
4 hours ago

@JSSS Please give this more thought. There are so many different custody scenarios. One thing you don't want your kids thinking is that you've abandoned them. Even if you are looking at 80-20% split, it shows your commitment to them. You might be surprised how good a solo father you are. Also, there are ways to have the conversation with your kids, too. I talked to both of my kids and let them know that both their father and I wanted to have as much time with them as we could. I even talked about all the different scenarios. Neither of them said, I want to stay with you in this house 100% of the time. And, I didn't expect them to. Once you make the decision it is hard to reverse.

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JSSS's picture
[1050]
2 hours ago

@Kyleah yes, there is still time for a lot more thought. We haven't even started drawing up any divorce paperwork yet or anything like that. The last thing I want is for the kids to think I've abandoned them. No matter what the final arrangements are, I will make sure it's clear to them that nobody is abandoning them. When I move out, I'm not sure I'll even be able to afford a place that will have enough room for them to come live with me, even for a weekend. I'm hoping to rent a house, but we'll see how that works out. Even if I can rent a house, I don't own any furniture for them and won't be able to afford it. Longer term, I want the kids to have some stability in their lives. I guess it is selling myself short, but if I were forced at gunpoint to pick a parent that my kids would be better off with, I would say stbx. She really does a wonderful job with them and they have built their own little happy life, of which I am not a part of. I don't want to tear that up, as it would really hurt the kids. As it stands, even living here in this house, I don't feel like I'm much of a father. Stbx does pretty much everything, especially while I am working. I talk to the kids, but not a lot, I'm not a very talkative person, believe it or not. I mostly keep to myself.

I don't know what to think. I really think the kids are better off with stbx, but I definitely don't want to just abandon them and never see them.

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