I am new here and have never been in a support group. I have

I am new here and have never been in a support group. I have friends and I am seeing my own therapist, but you can only get so much from those resources. My wife and I are separating right now and most likely getting a divorce down the road. She says she is not in love with me anymore, but still loves me and cares for me. After 11 years together, 5 years married, and 1 child together, we have decided to divorce. I am still in love with her and love her to death. We are currently still living together as we just made this decision, three days ago, unfortunately, on our wedding anniversary. She is in the process of moving out, currently trying to find a place to live with little inventory available. She told me the years of me not showing her affection and words of affirmation, pushed her away. For the past two months, we spoke about splitting up, and I got help for myself via therapist and self help online and she said this is the marriage ive always wanted. she tried to make it work with me for the past month, but said her feelings had changed and couldnt give me the love I was looking for since she wasnt in love with me. She did have a lot of life events happen to her that are all negative and very life shattering, so she has not had it very easy these past 3 years. i cannot put those on here because they are too personal for the internet.

Right now, I am finding it hard to do my job as I work from home, and i have lots of time to sit and dwell on our relationship. ive lost interest in all of my hobbies, some days i eat, some days i dont. i wake up every day at 4-5am and then cannot fall back asleep. this is all the while why my wife sleeps in the same bed as i do. all of "our" stuff is in our house where we made a home is hard to look at while working. We stopped wearing our wedding rings on Saturday. I am on some anti anxiety meds and in the process of getting some anti depressants. My life revolves around my child and my wife. I was so dedicated to those two.So for my wife to be exiting out of my life, except for co parenting, it is going to be a huge change. I have never lived alone and this will be the first time i will be living alone. When? i am not sure. whenever she moves out.
She said she doesnt resent me for the hurt i put her through, she said she needs time to get herself in a happy place as she hasnt been happy with many things in her life. especially all the personal live events she has had for the past 3 years. I am finding it hard to carry on. How do i do it? I am here seeking support and day to day chats to get me through my days of being down and hopelessness.

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eddie1975's picture
(45250)
Jul 21

Just realize that things could be drastically different in a few years. It is impossible to predict. She may figure out that she actually does love you and by that time you may not care for her anymore OR you may love her even more. Man I'm telling you that anything is possible. The best thing to do is take care of yourself and your kids. Force yourself to do things you don't feel like doing. You will feel better in the end.

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(390)
Jul 22

Hello TomJohn. I know exactly how you feel. My wife left me with someone she is having an affair with. She divorced me and left me with our son. She did not want counseling and it was aa surprise. Yes, your life is going to change. The symptoms you are describing sound like depression and it sounds like you are getting help. You need to do all that you can to take care of yourself. things may end up working out better for the two of you in the future. I know the pain you are feeling. Try to stay around and in contact with friends and family and seek their support. Maybe you can develop a d have kept me different type of relationship with your wife. I don't know if you believe in God or have a place you go for worship. Prayer and God is getting me thorough and at the same time my wife left, my first girlfriend from 40 years ago felt something was wrong. after 40 years of no contact she looked for me and finally found me. Since we reconnected our love has rekindled, She is going through a divorce too and we support each other and love each other more than ever. So you never know who or what God will do in your life. Bless you son/. I pray for peace and safety for your family.

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andine's picture
(69510)
Jul 22

@John99 I agree. @tomjohn443 Sleeping in the same bed is definitely not a good idea. No one can save your wife from her bad choices, you will never able to change her if she is not self motivated. Might be healthiest for you to separate emotionally and physically so that you can move towards a healthy, honest life.

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