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I am new here and also new to the whole idea of separating/d

I am new here and also new to the whole idea of separating/divorce. I would love any thoughts and/or advice!

About a month and a half ago my husband out of the blue said he wanted a divorce. Not that we had a close and happy marriage or anything like that. But we also didn't have a terrible relationship. It has always been mostly focused around our 3 kids and after 17 years we have grown apart. I guess I thought most of our problems were/are things people deal with in marriage and just took the good with the bad. Anyway after hearing this news I was taken by surprise and went thru a whole range of emotions. First anger, then a ton of saddness. I told him I was sorry for making him feel unloved and willing to get counseling to try and help myself be a better wife etc. He said he didn't care it was too late he doesn't love me anyway. He has taken no responsibility for our marriage being in the toilet and has said he doesn't care to get any help nor does he care to make himself a better husband. He says he just wants to be done. The last few weeks I have pulled away and given him tons of space which is what he says he wants. There is no other relationship as far as I know. He says after the holidays he will be getting a lawyer etc.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Does a spouse with this type of attitude change their mind? How could a man just walk away from a wife and 3 kids to be alone? I am not perfect but I do know for sure that I am a great wife

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[50]
Dec 5

Grant1512 I'm sorry to hear of your situation. So did your ex ever change her mind or make any efforts towards reconciliation? Was there someone else? I can't fathom why someone would do a thing like this in a marriage. Why not try to work out problems? How can that be harder than going thru a divorce? The amount of selfishness it takes to walk away from a seemingly great life is mind blowing to me

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[155]
Dec 5

@KellyLynn99 Thank you. I feel for you in your situation. Its a horrible thing to have to go through. No, my ex never changed her mind or made any effort towards reconciliation. As far as I could tell there wasn't anyone else although information has come to light that suggests otherwise (I cant prove anything though and wont make a difference anyway). I also could not figure out how someone could throw away a marriage and break up a family with out trying to fix it, especially when in my mind there were no major problems. It is incredibly selfish. I still battle daily with emotions ranging from anger to loneliness but chatting here helps me cope and hopefully will help you too. Hang in there.

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[1015]
Dec 6

I know you want someone to tell you your husband will change his mind and fight for his marriage but no one knows at this point. Yes, there is a possibility that he can stay and fight. But there is also a chance he will leave. Just do not walk it alone. Reach out now for help to just a few trusted people. Find a good counselor. You can remain strong through this but build a community around you. I feel there is a difference if he can see you strong and thriving. Keep fighting for your marriage during this “meantime” season.

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