I am feeling so alone. I feel lost, unloved and left out. I'

I am feeling so alone. I feel lost, unloved and left out. I've been venting here for the last 4 years about the same problems. Sigh I am truly hurting and I don't understand why God doesn't make this all go away permanently. My ex husband is still with the other woman. They take multiple trips throughout the year, trips I never got a chance to experience with him. Valentines Day, her birthday, his birthday and other random trips. He's making so much more money and we've always had money problems. He lives life as if he doesn't have kids. I am very restricted on what I can do because I am a responsible parent. How come things are going so good for him but hard for me. I haven't dated since our divorce its been almost 5 years now. My mom was diagnosed with colon CA and I wish I had a significant other to lean on . I just feel so devastated. Why does this hurt so much, even knowing how much my ex husband cheated on me and that he's not there for our kids. Why am I so bothered by this woman knowing she settled and got involved with a married man & now they're together. It feels like I shouldn't have divorced him. The pain he put me through during our marriage feels just as equivalent to the pain I'm experiencing now due to not being with him. Why is life this way. I feel angry and bitter all the time.

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(12040)
Sep 30

@Lofton sure thanks.

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mmadlecl's picture
(53310)
23 hours ago

Lifehurts I think I have posted to you before. My heart goes out to you, and I wish there were some magic words I could say to help you. There are some things you can do to help yourself, but you have to do them, and stop pining over a man who didn't want to be with you and is a bad father. You are wasting your life. You come across as a good person and a smart person who is well spoken and well written. But I think you have low self esteem. Four years is too long to not have moved forward. I know being cheated on destroys your trust. However, he is one person, and you should be thankful he is gone. If he is a bad father, I am sorry for your kids. But that will come back to haunt him. You need to get your head out of his life and into your own, not only for your sake, but for your kids. Do you want to show them that it is not possible to move on after a bad relationship, that they shouldn't take responsibility for their own lives? No. You want them to grow up to be strong and independent. They have you for a role model. Do these two things to help yourself. 1. Read some books on improving self esteem. I've read many books but one that really helped me is "Never Get Angry Again" by David J. Liberman, Ph.D. It addresses how we can improve our feelings about ourselves. 2. Find a hobby or activity you enjoy. For me it is ballroom dancing. Me and my ex were suppose to do this together. Well, now I'm doing it myself. I have met more nice people and have become engaged in life again. It's fun and challenges me and gives me something to look forward to. Make a list of your good qualities and put it up on the refrigerator. Also, look at life with the glass half full and not half empty. Practice gratitude; everyday you should think of things you are grateful for. I believe that everything you do in life opens up the possibility for something better in your life, but you have to be engaged in life.

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(12040)
7 hours ago

@mmadlecl Hi yes you have written to me before. Also you mentioned that book as well, actually have it on my audio books. I tried listening once but never finished. I am going to start again. I agree with everything you stated. I definitely have low self esteem. Thanks for commenting and your advice.

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