Newest Blog is out, Seeing the Good in the World!!!!
Make sure to click READ MORE to see the full article. -SG
https://www.supportgroups.com/blog/seeing-the-good-in-the-world or click BLOG on GREEN menu bar

I’ve been officially divorced since

[60]

I’ve been officially divorced since November. I couldn’t be happier but my girls are a mess! I had caught my husband online talking to girls several times. It was always someone who lived far away. So I know it was just talk. He never admitted anything more than I caught him in. Anyway I was a stay home mom with kids. Didn’t think I could do it on my own. Plus no proof of a real affair. So I stayed didn’t really talk to him for awhile. I finally forgave him but still didn’t fully trust him. 10 years later I catch him with the first girl. He dumb and txted me I miss you already. Like he had just left me. I’m not dumb I knew. He tried to play it off. So I started to investigate and finally figured it out. Confronted him and told him he had two choices we have an open marriage or we get a divorce. He said he loved me and didn’t want either. Yeah ok. I kind of dropped it cause I really just wasn’t ready to deal. This all happened in June 2017. Oh he did end it the second I caught him. I knew I wasn’t gonna give him another chance but I just wasn’t ready to end things. I just kept putting it off. I needed to tell my parents but at this point it was almost thanksgiving and Christmas. I decided not to ruin Christmas for my kids or parents. I still didn’t tell him I wanted a divorce. We just didn’t really talk unless we had to.

After Christmas I was still dragging my feet. In January 15th my best friend called me to her house. My oldest daughter was there and had something to tell me. She confessed that she new my husband cheated on me. She said it was back in April. My friend and I were not shocked of course but my daughter told me he cheated with a different person than I knew about.

My poor daughter kept this a secret for 8 months. She was having a hard time with friends and in school but I had know idea this was why. The minute she told me I knew I had to stop dragging my feet. It was over! I decided to give my daughter a week or two before I confronted my husband and let him know it was over.

A week later on my birthday a guy messaged me on Facebook to tell me his wife was having a affair with my husband. She had the same name as the woman my daughter told me about. So I had two go back to my daughter to make sure she didn’t have the wrong person. Nope it was just another affair. So that was three people in 9 month her cheated on me with.

So I told him it was over he needed to move out. I told my parents. Who support me and have helped me though this whole thing.

He did not leave right away. This was really hard on my two older girls. Finley he left and everyone seemed ok

I am happier that I have been in a long time but my kids are a mess!

My oldest daughter has been a mess from the start. I mean even fore I knew. Her and her dad never really had a great relationship to start with. We have three girls. 16, 14 and 10. He has always blamed everything on her. Even if someone else started the fight he yelled at her. From the start she refused to go to his place or have anything to do with him. She has told him what she thinks more than once. At first he made excuses nothing is ever his fault. He would just tell her how he lost lots of friends over this and doesn’t have any money. That just set her off even more. She told him it was his fault and he deserved it. She posted something about him in twitter and he was mad but finally apologized. She tells him off and he txts me and tells me I know she is mad but she has no right to talk to me like that. He would still txt her every now and again and she would just tell him she doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. In her 16th birthday he should up with a card. She flipped on him and through the card down and told him she didn’t want it. He left she told him off he yelled at me. I just ignored him. I don’t know what he was thinking. He should of just gave me the card. He knew how she was going to reacted. My parents told him he should do something nice for. They meant send her flowers or get her a meaningful gift. Not just show up. He knew how she would react. Think he just wanted to look like a good guy. She is depressed and seeing a therapist.

My middle daughter found out when we were fighting about it. He apologized to her than but never really talked about it again. For months after he left she didn’t really say much about it. She would see him every other weekend. When my oldest would say something mean about him she would get mad. Maybe in late September she just lost it one night. I did not realize how hurt and bad she was at him. She said she thought it was disgusting that he was with other girls than coming home and kissing her on the head. She said she didn’t want to complain she was worried about me and her older sister. Now we talk about it a lot. So she had two volleyball tournaments so she couldn’t go to his place. She never went back. He never even asked her why. She is so hurt by him! She isn’t depressed but very sad.

My 10 year old doesn’t know what happened. We decided not to tell her. So she doesn’t understand why her sisters hate their dad. For the most part she is happy but does get sad sometimes cause she misses him. She goes with him every other week.

I do encourage the to talk to their dad but I understand how they feel. Everyone he cheated with has kids in the school. One girl is a senior who gives them dirty looks. He messed up 10 kids life’s. I’m am sure these were not the only three people. I’m pretty sure it happened our whole marriage. He would start my txting and flirt and see who would flirt back. I have asked several of my single friends and some in bad marriage and he tried with them. Most of them at the time didn’t know it. They just thought the txts were odd and stopped txting him. He is the president of the local softball baseball league. So he would start txting about something for that. All three woman were apart of the league. One I was friends with.

Right before Christmas I found out he has a girlfriend. Which whatever I feel bad for the girl. Wants a cheat always a cheat!! He posted a picture on Facebook. I txted him and nicely asked him to either block the girls or take it down. I told him they were not ready for this! I know my oldest would loss it. Sure enough he didn’t care enough about their feelings. A week later they found it. They are crushed. He never bothered to work on his relationship with them. Now he has a new girlfriend who has kids. My oldest of course txted him and told him off again. Told him he better not tell my ten year old. He said so you want me tj be alone the rest of my life. Are you kidding me. I really hate him. He gets to be happy and left me this giant mess to clean up! The next day he told my ten year old. But didn’t tell me. So she ended up crying and that’s how I found out.

So I guess the point of this is I do not know how to make my girls feel better. He gets to live his life and be happy. I’m happy he is gone but I do don’t know what to do for my kids. They do not deserve this. They are going to have trust issues with men. I just hope they grow up to find someone who treats them right! But for now all I can do is listen and I am exhausted. At least two or three one of them have me up crying and talking about how upset they are with their dad. I love them and just want their pain to go away. Does anyone have any advice for me.

show more ⇓
Comment
 14
View 11 More Comments
[60]
Feb 16

I’m so sorry your son stayed with his dad! That had to be really hard. Do you still get to see him? My girls say enough bad stuff about their dad that I find myself sticking up for him at times. Even know I agree with them. I do ask them not to say anything around my 10 year old because she doesn’t know what happened. Things are slowly getting better but I know it’s gonna take a long time.

Reply
Michael72's picture
[9715]
Feb 16

It'll get easier for them, it just takes time. Divorces affect the whole family, not just the husband and wife. Their whole world has been turned upside down, so it's normal for them to be angry, hurt, resentful.

My youngest daughter at the time of our divorce was 13, and she was crushed by it. When my ex first told her, my daughter said - "I thought I was one of the lucky ones" (she has friends whose parents were divorced), than ran out of the room crying. 3 years later, she has a boyfriend, and it's "what divorce?"

I know she still wishes it were different, but the kids heal and adjust over time. For your 3, it's all still very recent. I don't have much advice to take their pain away, because you can't. I know that sucks, it killed me watching my kids suffer. All I would suggest is, listen to them, cry with them, be there for them, and they'll get through this and love you for it.

Reply
[179485]
Feb 17

@MO3, your STBX is an absolute pig. It wouldn't surprise me if it turns out he's a narc (NPD.) But I think what helped me to forgive my father for being a drug addict that went to prison and gave up his parental rights, was when I understood why he was messed up. He told me his own father abandoned him because he never wanted kids. It helped me to understand why he was marred. So maybe if you explain what was missing in their Dad, mentally or emotionally, it will help them realize not all men are like that and they can watch for signs in who they end up dating later in life so they won't pick a similar person. And maybe if they start to feel kinda sorry for their evil, loser Dad they won't need to punish him but can sorta forgive him for their own sakes. I say that, not because I give a ratz arse about your ex but for your daughters' sakes, they'll need to eventually forgive rather than living in resentment. But I think for now it's okay for them to feel what they feel and kinda okay for them to punish him for his wickedness. Just my opinion for what it's worth.

show more ⇓
Reply

Login or Register

You are visiting Support Groups as an anonymous user.

Please consider joining our community and gain access to additional features by

registering or logging into your account