I’m slowly learning a new relationship is more of a band a

Mick77's picture

I’m slowly learning a new relationship is more of a band aid than the cure all I thought it may be. There are new challenges such as juggling time, which has become a precious commodity around here.

I learned the stbx posted some nonsense about getting out of a toxic situation our relationship but I have been totally honest here. I’ve done nothing but remain supportive and helpful for the first 5-6 months after learning of her wanting a divorce. Is caring for the kids more so she can relax toxic? Is doing dishes/laundry and serving the kids breakfast every morning while being kind to her toxic? Is repairing items around the old house, happily, toxic? Sure after players got involved things changed but when then I still told her in the beginning if she changes her mind at any point, I’m willing to throw away the $7,000 on our lawyers and try to work this out. Is that toxic?

I’ve outlined her behavior here, she is narcissistic to the core. Somewhere along the way, someone convinced her she is more important than her marriage and her children.

I’m so frustrated still, by this situation. I don’t like to see her, I don’t like to interact with her at all. I really want nothing to do with her while I continue to process this. She continues to show absolutely no respect for my job or me. She has this competitive thing within her where she needs to prove to me constantly that her school secretary position is so important she has to stay later and has issues at times when it comes to picking up the kids. She won’t take time off when something arises because she thinks the job comes before her children. But she’ll call me in the middle of the workday and say I have to get them because she can’t. I don’t but it’s the mindset that frustrates me the most.

My oldest wanted a cell phone, and in a very narcissistic way she hung this over his head for months. First it was after we move I’ll get you one, that turned into ‘I don’t like your behavior you’re not getting one’ that turned into ‘I don’t have the money right now (untrue)’ so a few weeks ago he was literally in tears over this. I packed the kids up, took him to Walmart and bought him a nice prepaid phone ($150) and one month of service. She gets nasty with me because she says she was going to get him one and it wasn’t that phone. I told her we’ll alternate months on the phone card and since I bought the phone she can be the $10 high impact case and screen protector. She didn’t. For 2 weeks she couldn’t click 2 buttons to get him his phone case.

Then over the weekend she sends me money to buy him the next months card. Why can’t she put the slightest effort in to purchase a damned card? On top of that she says ‘I wish you would’ve discussed the phone with me, I was pricing phones on my plan and yours is too expensive ($35 card monthly)’ arrgghhhhhh!

I know it’s petty but she STILL has her 0.99 extra cloud storage charge hitting my card AFTER I changed the card and got a new one. Yesterday her online grocery order came out of the old joint bank account, essentially my account now, where the house sale money is sitting because I’m waiting for the final lawyer bill to come through and I was keeping it open for next years tax return.

I told her I’ll have to file fraud charges unless she confirms it’s her charge and if so I need that money. She finally confirms it’s hers but she’s too busy at work to deal with it in the moment because giving Covid tests or something.

I know people will reply to close that account and I know you’re right but I just want to pay the lawyer, get the tax return, and if we all get another stimulus check, it’ll go right in no problems.

Meanwhile, I felt so bad that my new gf can’t go anywhere for Thanksgiving. I felt so bad I invited her to take the 5 hour drive with me and the kids to have dinner with what’s left of my family. I have to rescind that initiation tonight. My friend advised me, and he’s right, it’s too soon and the divorce isn’t finalized yet.

Meanwhile, I don’t know if I’m looking too deep into things, but while she always responds when we’re not together she almost never initiates any kind of chatting or phone calls. We’re both professionals with full time careers and when we’re actually together there’s no issue but when we’re not together I kind of crave that connection. Even a good morning would be nice.

She’s going through her own problems at the moment trying to close out a prior relationship by having to pick up big items and having to have the local sheriff of that area accompany her because the last guy was abusive so I’m trying not to be overwhelming for her but I feel like, after 2 months, we’re kind of getting further apart not closer together.

I know I’m all over the place and I’m sorry but back to the kids. I now have them for school 2/5 days here, this week Covid closed school on Monday so it’ll be 3/5 days this week. There’s a chance they may go fully remote and she tells me she has no choice and I’ll have to take them. It’s near impossible to have them doing school while I work 5/5 days while I stress they want to leave the youngest back for seemingly no reason. I will do what I have to but I refuse Wednesday’s. Wednesday is the day off for my gf and I work remotely from her place on that day.

The last rant i I have is my old dog. Being the good boy he is, he constantly has accidents through her house, because she leaves him alone from like 630 am until about 430pm. He also now has some kind of growth on his butt that really should be looked at. She keeps trying to tell me I have to take him at my apartment (that only allows dogs for an extra $300/mo) and I constantly remind her I can’t. She had a million friends help her move but when I ask why can’t 1 friend come let him out in the middle of the day, magically, she claims she has no one. And she has no money for the vet but will be buying a turkey today to donate to the school. This is the insanity I’m dealing with.

I’m sorry for this long rant but the whole thing royally sucks and I just want her and her made up problems out of my life at this point.

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beth65's picture
Nov 23

@Mick77 you can, can't you see mine?

Mick77's picture
Nov 23

I forgot, I can change my profile picture, there’s my good boy :)

beth65's picture
Nov 23

@Mick77 omg you have to go pick the poor boy up.

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