Hi, I'm new here. I'm 33, separated since 1 year after 13 ye

Ivy85's picture

Hi, I'm new here. I'm 33, separated since 1 year after 13 years of relationship including 4 years of marriage. My story is messed up.
I have no kinds, my husband wanted to wait until he finally told me he may never want to have kids. He said it was one of the reasons he left. The others were his family issues draining him for years. I was helping as much as I could, but it finally became a burden to him. He left me for a work colleague trying to start new life. Yes, it was terribly selfish. He was lying for months, messing with my head and feelings and I still loved him and waited for him. I do believe he didn't want to hurt me, he was just lost, but he did hurt me terribly. He asked me to try again, but he didn't really tried and on the end he came back to her.
It was 4 months ago and just when I started to feel better, here he is again saying that he thinks about me all the time. He said he is a mess, lonely and damaged beyond repair. He didn't say he loves me or misses me, he just said how he can't forget our life. I offered my friendship, but said I still want a divorcee. I think it hurt him and I'm so stupid to feel bad about it! I'm confused and lost. I don't know what I feel anymore and if it even matters. I do care about him deeply, but I don't feel what I felt used to. Too much pain he caused me and moreover he still is with this lady!I
I was trying to date to forget and it helped. I do know I'm not ready for serious relationship, but on the other hand I miss it. I miss been cared for, I miss security, partnership and support. I thought I can do casual, my friends told that is what I need now, but I think I'm just letting myself be hurt again. Sometimes I'm so scared and lonely... I just need a friend. Someone who will be there for me and will understand. I hope you can help me.

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Feb 10, 2019

Your situation sounds a lot like mine with him not wanting kids and finding someone else. But still wanting to be friends. It is so hard!

eddie1975's picture
Feb 12, 2019

@Ivy85 you should definitely give yourself time. A lot of time. Read some books. You say things that make me think your marriage really could work if you both were committed to trying and seriously went to counseling and made that effort. You loved this guy deeply once and that was a choice. You can make that choice again. So can he but it's probably the hardest path for both of you right now but from what I have read it is also the most rewarding.

Feb 13, 2019

I hope you heal and eventually grow ready for a new love. In the meantime having friends to talk with can be very helpful.


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