Help...my husband is using my kids as weapons to hurt me....

Help...my husband is using my kids as weapons to hurt me....what do I do?

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 3
Jenn4473's picture
[15295]
Jul 14

Welcome Toothfairymom. I am glad you joined our group. There are plenty of people here who have been in similar situations. I do understand how you feel. My ex (we have been divorced longer than we were married at this point) uses the children to spy on me. I know this because he will bring up things in conversation that I didn't share. I have a strict policy I only talk about the children with him; nothing else. The children have told me he will blatantly ask about my life and even peeks in my windows. I am not sure what to do but I can commiserate with you. I have told my ex he has no right to quiz the children about what I do and he certainly should not be peeking in my windows (trust me, I'm not peeking in his). He claims he does have a right because his kids live in the house. I do not deny the man has a right to know what goes on in his children's life BUT YOU DON'T PEEK IN WINDOWS! So as far as using children against you, I am not sure. I have called the court. I was told that if a parent is saying negative things about the other parent, this can be an issue but it has to be proved. This would involve someone sitting down with the children and asking them questions. We all need to remember children will protect their parents and may not be wholly honest, especially with a stranger. In what way is he manipulating the children?

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[180]
Jul 16

My children are older 17 and 12 and he sat them down and told them details they did not need to know about my affair. It's been about a month since they are both talking to me again but I can tell that they are different. It saddens me that I hurt them so bad. My husband says he that they needed to know exactly what kind of person their mother really is. I know he's angry but my 17 year old boy is never gonna be the same. He was already in his angry teenager phase, its gotten way worse. My 12 year old girl doesn't talk about it and I don't bring it up, but I feel she just isn't the same.

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[3445]
Jul 17

@Toothfairymom , I am not critiquing you, but the affair was wrong and fortunately you see that. Some people never do. What I wasnt to say is that if you are going thru a divorce, perhaps you already have the temporary orders. All that I have seen and heard about, state that the divorce information, facts and evidence should NOT be discussed in front of the minor children. If this is the case, he is in violation and inform your lawyer. All you can do now is change, love them and show the children what a better person you have become.

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